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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Road to Teenage Freedomdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: brunov68
    ASL Info:    22/M/Toronto
    Elite Ratio:    4.34 - 311/320/30
    Words: 188
    Class/Type: Poetry/Happy
    Total Views: 937
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1216



    Description:
       This works for me, anyways. I feel that these are the most important things in order for teenagers to feel free, which is of course the only things teens strive for.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRoad to Teenage Freedomdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Work jobs merely for the money.
    Despite how stupid and hopeless
    or idiotic and worthless,
    just do it for the money.

    Get away from home.
    Migrate from house to house
    with a mate or someone’s spouse,
    just move away from home.

    Do what you see fit.
    Be it wrong or be it right
    leave and cry/stay and fight,
    just act as you see fit.

    Listen in your precious music
    Nirvana, Doors or Modest mouse
    while in class or in the house,
    always have your precious music.

    Forever and ever be yourself.
    A waste is to be someone far
    from the person you truly are,
    never quit being yourself.

    Befriend with various girls.
    Little to love, others to hate
    some to screw, few to date,
    stay in touch with many girls.

    Dream about your dreams.
    They might seem too far from you
    as far as freedom from a zoo,
    float about dreaming your dreams.

    Do as they say and “Carpe Noctum”.
    Seize the night as if the day
    with open doors, come what may,
    be courageous and “Carpe Noctum”.




    Submitted on 2004-12-22 21:35:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      to tell the ruth it seems a little cheezy. It is ok. But the ryme and lack of flowing (sorry) really makes it seem. Like you were bored and so you threw some words together. It seems to lack emotion. But... I don't know. Please work on it. It needs it. Sorry. Don't mean to be harsh.
    ~Shadow
    | Posted on 2004-12-23 00:00:00 | by Moonshadow | [ Reply to This ]
      Once again you already know my opinion of this awesome piece. As I said before this piece has good advice for teens (I agree with the ideas in this piece) such as:

    Do what you see fit.
    Be it wrong or be it right
    leave and cry/stay and fight,
    just act as you see fit

    ***Forever and ever be yourself.
    A waste is to be someone far
    from the person you truly are,
    never quit being yourself

    Dream about your dreams.
    They might seem too far from you
    as far as freedom from a zoo,
    float about dreaming your dream

    I will uae this advice as I advance, take the road to teenage freedom. Hope you get enough sleep and wake up befire Xmas of 2005!
    | Posted on 2004-12-23 00:00:00 | by Emmalee | [ Reply to This ]
      Forever and ever be yourself.
    A waste is to be someone far
    from the person you truly are,
    never quit being yourself.

    Hey, this sounds better than "Passing"

    Nice to see you twice in two days, good post,
    Dave
    | Posted on 2004-12-23 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      I like that, Carpe Noctum. I accomplish alot at nite... so that fits for me. I appreciated the way you used the same words for the first and last line of each stanza. I thought I wouldn't like it, but it worked for the poem, good job on that. It wuz a good inside look at teens these days.
    | Posted on 2004-12-22 00:00:00 | by WaxingPoetic | [ Reply to This ]
      this was so damn amazing. never expected it from you, and i love it! the way you repeated the words and the choice of ryhmes was so, was so, good. not the word i am looking for, but not sure what one i am. as i told you before, it's not a teenage thing you are talking about here, [censored] i am 23 and can understand all of it, i still do it, well some of it.
    "Dream about your dreams.
    They might seem too far from you
    as far as freedom from a zoo,
    float about dreaming your dreams."
    love this stanza. to me my dreams seem locked in a cage in this unfindable place. no matter how hard i try to find them, something gets in my way and locks them tighter. ok well i am done rambling about this, i could go on for hours. you did a great job with this one bruno, i am proud of you!
    | Posted on 2004-12-22 00:00:00 | by _winky_ | [ Reply to This ]
      they say carpe noctum...? or you just trying to be a rebellious teen swearing black is white?
    anyways yeah... i quite liked this... its so real... the things one does to get out of home and the way we use our freedom... playing our music as loud as we want. sad thing is ive been outta home for 3 ish years now and i put my request in for the Nirvana box set for christmas and my mother asked if they were christian ... i dont even live in her house and shes trying to control my music! haha! but anyways yeah... i like the way you used rhyme and the same word at the end of the first and last lines of each stanza... well done.
    | Posted on 2004-12-22 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]



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