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    dots Submission Name: Memories of Dying Leavesdots

    Author: Anarius
    ASL Info:    24/m/somewhere in Canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.88 - 631/678/168
    Words: 148
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 963
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1145


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    dotsMemories of Dying Leavesdots

    Old autumn maple, shivering in the breeze.
    Itís leaves slowly dying
    And falling,
    Almost unnoticed,
    To the ground.
    Look closely upon this leaf,
    Observe where itís torn
    And bruised.
    Rotted and cut.
    Its drifts slowly downward
    Until the unheard echo;
    The thunder of it striking the ground,
    Is silenced.


    Withered man, where are your covers?
    Your memories are left in the cold,
    Theyíre fading,
    You donít even realize,
    Perhaps its better that way.
    Remember all the torment,
    Subtle lies:
    Wounds engraved by rusty blades.
    Unsealed cuts.
    All the Ďjokesí
    Gags from friends
    Bruises on the leaves,
    Your memories.
    Spoilt, dying away,
    Drifting into a black abyss
    Forgotten nothingness.
    It is done.

    In faith that they will be renewed.

    There is now room for new thoughts,
    The past will be forgotten,
    As the leaf.

    Submitted on 2004-12-22 21:52:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This style of writing was intriguing. It gave me some ideas. I thought it was a deep piece and i loved it. the symbolisms of past and present, beginnings and endings. Thanks for posting this - i loved it!
    | Posted on 2004-12-23 00:00:00 | by calling eve | [ Reply to This ]
      The comparison is very nice! Very unique. I think that parts of it were a little bit choppy though. I think that the ending could have been better also. The imagery was fair, could've been better. I think that if you work on this, it could be totally awesome!
    | Posted on 2004-12-23 00:00:00 | by AngelOutlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the comparison between the leaves and the person. You seem to connect the two perfectly and I also like how you describe in detail a leaf's "excursion" down the ground. I love it! Nice imagery you have here my friend! Keep it up!
    | Posted on 2004-12-22 00:00:00 | by solitary_cross | [ Reply to This ]
      the first stanza was like a dramatic movie sequence made up of computer graphics slowly zooming into a falling autumn leaf and showing its intimate details...quite visual and extremely well done.

    stanza 2 brings in the metaphorical taste into the story. i can see why you compared despair with a falling leaf. usually it does turns out like this...vain hope pitted against the bitter truth. good job soldier.
    | Posted on 2005-03-03 00:00:00 | by serpentarius | [ Reply to This ]

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