Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: comfortabledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: mixedemotions00
    ASL Info:    24/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    6.26 - 574/377/69
    Words: 92
    Class/Type: Misc/Romance
    Total Views: 1298
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 623



    Description:
       hoping to make something work out with my love of 3+ years... now that it could possibly work out, of course I'm already in a relationship. But you can't just put soulmates on the back burner.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotscomfortabledots
    -------------------------------------------


    when I look to the sky,
    (to my future,)
    a bright blue nothing
    with splotches of fluffy white clouds,
    I see his smile.

    Heís been my crush,
    my best friend,
    first love,
    prom date.
    My ride home,
    my ride away from
    the dirt of reality.
    My body guard,
    my only friend in a crowded room,
    my Christmas wish.

    Heís confused and uncommitted,
    but he knows one thing for certain:
    he loves me.

    And for now,
    along with his grin
    (and a hug),
    thatís all I need.




    Submitted on 2004-12-23 00:28:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Oh gosh do I know this! The only thing is that I'm not commited with anyone and he's not either but he has an ex-girlfriend pregnant with his baby due in March. Yeah :S.

    "Heís confused and uncommitted,
    but he knows one thing for certain:
    he loves me."
    If I were to re-write that for me it would be

    "We're confused and uncommitted,
    but he doesn't know one thing:
    that I still love him."

    Yeah I don't believe he knows I still love him. My piece Questions Never Answered is about him. He can't answer the hard questions. :S Oh well I can relate to this in a sense. Great job.
    -blt
    | Posted on 2004-12-28 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very intersting, a really good poem indeed, very well written and very well presented too.

    The poem is so full of emotions like Happiness, Admiring, and may be even Love!

    The words are very well chosen to suit the idea or the subject of the poem. The words are simple which adds to the beuty of the poem.

    I really liked the stanza where you kept describing him and what he is to you specially the part saying

    "My body guard,
    my only friend in a crowded room,
    my Christmas wish"

    And I also liked the finale

    "And for now,
    along with his grin
    (and a hug),
    thatís all I need.", Very beautiful words and powerful too.

    Anyway I hope that my comment was somehow helpful to you and Good luck and keep it up.
    | Posted on 2004-12-25 00:00:00 | by Yousef | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed this poem. I can't really tell you why it works where other similar poems don't....it just does. My fav lines...

    my ride away from
    the dirt of reality

    The poem just seems to set up a warmth of feeling...like you place us in the clouds and then the comfort & joy you take from this guy just comes through.

    Sweet as!

    | Posted on 2004-12-24 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh Baby Oohhhhh...Yeah
    Now that's the sweetest thing under the tree this year, Beautiful ;)
    Hope it all comes together...friendship can work...they can...depends on the friends themselfs to Make it Work!
    You have this awsome way of talking us through the poetic spaces...God, I Love it...
    Beautiful...and you say I could be a song writter
    DITTO :P

    This makes me feel all fuzzy inside...warm like the booze in front of me...goin' down sooo good

    Thank You for this sweet little ditty...Like Christmas already.

    Be Well
    &
    Take Care...with him in your arms!
    Kelly
    | Posted on 2004-12-23 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      Sorry! When you asked for first impressions that's what I gave. My thoughts, that sprang up on reading your words. Your poem is really good. A tribute to friendship. The only flaw for me would be ( I specify "for me" - as I tend to stick to traditional grammar) the Capitalization of the start. Minor nit in the pick.
    I didn't add this to my original comment because some people get very upset if you offer more than what they request.
    Anyways, it is a very good write, and I will try to remember that you are not one of those.
    | Posted on 2004-12-23 00:00:00 | by popsit | [ Reply to This ]
      Funny how first best friends things seldom work out as romances. Probably because our subconscious tells us we have to experiment with life and after a few experiments it becmes hard to get back to first base with the friend. And I don't think it's healthy to commit to someone until the experimenting is complete as that would leave one wondering what they had missed and possibly try to find out.
    | Posted on 2004-12-23 00:00:00 | by popsit | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    39030

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry