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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Venerationdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Rainmaker
    ASL Info:    23 / M / Finland
    Elite Ratio:    4.84 - 45/50/19
    Words: 116
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Passion
    Total Views: 904
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 801



    Description:
       Well, those lyrics are to be remade.. but i wish i would get some feedback and opinions.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsVenerationdots
    -------------------------------------------


    We marched to the border hill
    In plans to fight and kill
    Our general, Hawk we called him
    Will watch while we win

    [Chorus]
    We stand in veneration
    As our song of awe
    Reaches the skies above
    And this land will become
    Hell!

    Blades will cut flesh like butter
    Arrows will pierce the hardest armor
    Cries will be heard a thousand miles
    Away, away shall souls as we venerate
    Our leader so bold so loved so cruel!

    [Chorus]

    Stand in veneration
    Our general so bold
    Hail him with blade
    Give him your desire!

    [Post speak]
    Hundreds will die
    At one mans will
    Councils shall lie
    We have our destiny to fulfill!




    Submitted on 2004-12-23 06:39:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Gallant in battle, esprit de corps.
    | Posted on 2009-02-05 00:00:00 | by CrypticBard | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice battle lyrics, I wonder though if its more metaphorical (oh please excuse my spelling) then you show....

    Also, I waws wondering if this was intentional:

    "We stand in veneration
    As our song of awe
    Reaches the skies above
    And this land will become
    Hell!"

    The first word in each line spells out WARAH....andit sounds like a battle chant...WAR-AH....

    You say these lyrics are passion, but the only passion I saw in here was the passion of fight/the passion each man holds in awe towards his general and to me those just dont seem to click for passion..but I dont know.

    "Blades will cut flesh like butter
    Arrows will pierce the hardest armor
    Cries will be heard a thousand miles
    Away, away shall souls as we venerate
    Our leader so bold so loved so cruel!"

    I dont undersand why you included the last line which talks again about your leader, what importance does he show in this piece that compares him to a description of war, more then a person of war?

    The only real thing grammatical with this piece is theres no punctuation. I realize these our lyrics but its easier to read when you have guidelines and such.

    Good piece, it was an interesting read.

    --Kayla
    | Posted on 2004-12-23 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed this piece quite a bit… it shows the love of an army to one General, well not love, but honor. As I read this I thought of the movie Gladiator, my favorite movie, so these lyrics came to my likings quickly.

    Blades will cut flesh like butter
    Arrows will pierce the hardest armor
    Cries will be heard a thousand miles
    Away, away shall souls as we venerate
    Our leader so bold so loved so cruel!

    I liked that stanza very well, it’s stating that they will fight – kill for ‘Hawk’… It painted an image in my mind also, a war/battle being fought that’s so immense with bereavement… Venerate – to basically honor, adore a deity. That’s a good word to use, venerate, it has a strong meaning… This stanza:

    Stand in veneration
    Our general so bold
    Hail him with blade
    Give him your desire!

    ‘Hail him with blade’ makes me think that fighting is the only way to honor their General. This stanza was good also; I just think the last line threw it off a bit…..

    All ‘n all, this was a good set of lyrics. If you want to worry about the flow, I suggest you to look at how many lines there are in each stanza, look that some lines are longer than the others… You might want to try this new method with counting the syllables in each line.. Try and keep it even, set in a certain pattern if you will. But, it doesn’t really matter.

    Thanks for sharing this… Happy Holidays.
    Jessica
    | Posted on 2004-12-23 00:00:00 | by nameless child | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    39053

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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