Nice battle lyrics, I wonder though if its more metaphorical (oh please excuse my spelling) then you show....
Also, I waws wondering if this was intentional:
"We stand in veneration As our song of awe Reaches the skies above And this land will become Hell!"
The first word in each line spells out WARAH....andit sounds like a battle chant...WAR-AH....
You say these lyrics are passion, but the only passion I saw in here was the passion of fight/the passion each man holds in awe towards his general and to me those just dont seem to click for passion..but I dont know.
"Blades will cut flesh like butter Arrows will pierce the hardest armor Cries will be heard a thousand miles Away, away shall souls as we venerate Our leader so bold so loved so cruel!"
I dont undersand why you included the last line which talks again about your leader, what importance does he show in this piece that compares him to a description of war, more then a person of war?
The only real thing grammatical with this piece is theres no punctuation. I realize these our lyrics but its easier to read when you have guidelines and such.
I enjoyed this piece quite a bit… it shows the love of an army to one General, well not love, but honor. As I read this I thought of the movie Gladiator, my favorite movie, so these lyrics came to my likings quickly.
Blades will cut flesh like butter Arrows will pierce the hardest armor Cries will be heard a thousand miles Away, away shall souls as we venerate Our leader so bold so loved so cruel!
I liked that stanza very well, it’s stating that they will fight – kill for ‘Hawk’… It painted an image in my mind also, a war/battle being fought that’s so immense with bereavement… Venerate – to basically honor, adore a deity. That’s a good word to use, venerate, it has a strong meaning… This stanza:
Stand in veneration Our general so bold Hail him with blade Give him your desire!
‘Hail him with blade’ makes me think that fighting is the only way to honor their General. This stanza was good also; I just think the last line threw it off a bit…..
All ‘n all, this was a good set of lyrics. If you want to worry about the flow, I suggest you to look at how many lines there are in each stanza, look that some lines are longer than the others… You might want to try this new method with counting the syllables in each line.. Try and keep it even, set in a certain pattern if you will. But, it doesn’t really matter.