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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Home At Lastdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: melancholystar
    ASL Info:    17/f/tx
    Elite Ratio:    4.53 - 598/302/32
    Words: 111
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 335
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 790



    Description:
       I want to make this perfect because it means a lot to me. This is the way I want my life to end up, and with a specific person that seems so far away at the moment. As for now, I can simply dream of that future we may have together.

    If you have any suggestions for the last two stanzas (for they don't seem as good as the rest of the piece to me) then please post advice. Or of course help for any other part of the poem. Many thanks to all and happy holidays. :)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHome At Lastdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I dreamt of him,
    Our fingers entwined,
    Walking under the trees’ shadow,
    The glistening crystals of snow,
    Being molded to the shapes of our feet.

    Traversing through this wintry glory,
    Our goal now up ahead,
    That lovely little cottage,
    With white splendor gracing the roof.

    The light streaming through it’s windows,
    Casting gold onto the ground,
    Gentle smoke floating out the chimney,
    A wooden door stands waiting.

    He and I walk inside,
    Greeted by two children,
    We are instantly embraced,
    For they are our daughters.

    I look to the man beside me,
    Our shining eyes meet,
    We both share a smile,
    We are home at last.




    Submitted on 2004-12-23 20:13:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wounderful image here. And if you can make you life this then I say Bravo my friend.Everything about this was great and full of beauty.
    Peace and Harmony
    TGA
    | Posted on 2004-12-23 00:00:00 | by armand | [ Reply to This ]
      Very beautifully written. The Imagery was strong enough that you felt for the poem, but not so strong as tell you every detail and take away the imagining part. nice piece
    | Posted on 2004-12-23 00:00:00 | by Mercy December | [ Reply to This ]
      Well I definitely don't have to tell you what this poem means to me. Or how much I love it.

    The poeticness, if you will, is really fitting. But though the structure seem flawless, while the wording seems to be perfect. I truly am enticed by the meaning, or topic of this poem.

    This is exactly how I feel, and near what I had pictured when looking at that picture I showed you before. I love this poem.. congrats.. thank you.

    Bruno
    | Posted on 2005-01-04 00:00:00 | by brunov68 | [ Reply to This ]
      i loved all of this except for the second to last stanza...
    that stanza just felt too forced and too much compared to the somewhat myterious, illusive'ness of the stanza's before it.
    im not sure what you could do to change this though in order to improve it.
    i really like the gentle nature of this write... the beautiful setting... its like it is real... like you have actually had this moment rather than looking forward and anticipating this moment... very beautiful
    | Posted on 2005-01-05 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      this is beautiful, whoever was in your mind at this time must mean alot to you. seems like there is much love shared. that first stanza is my fav. makes me wish i was walking with someone right now, i love the snow and so yeah that got to me. ok then i'm rambling on so i'll go. great write**

    ;)
    | Posted on 2005-03-07 00:00:00 | by _winky_ | [ Reply to This ]



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