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of rooftops

Author: bite my lip
ASL Info:    20/f/nc
Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 59 /79 /12
Words: 91
Class/Type: Poetry /Longing
Total Views: 1202
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 578


it's been a rough night.

of rooftops

close your eyes
count to ten
pay no mind to the broken glass
i get angry from time to time.

it's midnight and we're on your roof.
tell me how lovely i am.
and how my eyes sparkle.
they will always be brighter than hers.

fate can only hurt us if we believe.
he is just a bastard out for the pleasure of pain.
lets not lie to ourselves,
it probably won't turn out alright.

open your eyes
and look into mine.
it's 1:11
make a wish.

Submitted on 2004-12-24 01:59:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  i have a theory about the way you write...and it may be bull [censored]...but it makes sense to if you will bare with me...all you stuff has a kind of sexy tone to's writen in a way that it is beautful and makes you think...which is what every one is look for in a women, right? but you also write in a very smart lets pretend your writing is a women...named Marcy...(a fave name of mine) she beautiful, sexy...and thats what you see first but once you really look at her you realixe how thought ful she mush depth she any way i liked the poem...thought it was great

| Posted on 2004-12-28 00:00:00 | by playing card | [ Reply to This ]
  "pay no mind to the broken glass
i get angry from time to time."

I really really liked this. The more I think about it I think I'm going to make it a fav! I love so many different elements of this. You want the person to tell you everything from how lovely you are to how she would never compare. I really loved "fate can only hurt us if we believe." That's so true. The ending was perfect. 1:11 Make a Wish. You presented me with a story but left the reader to fill in some parts with the imagination. :) Great piece!
Merry Christmas!
| Posted on 2004-12-25 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
  Awesome piece. The tale you tell...simply astounding. Beautifully written, the words just seem to click. I love the last lines, so beautiful. THank you for sharing this piece of feeling.
| Posted on 2004-12-24 00:00:00 | by Mercy December | [ Reply to This ]
  Sounding a bit needy, but why wouldn't you; you're gorgeous.

tell me how lovely i am.
and how my eyes sparkle.
they will always be brighter than hers.

I need attention like I need oxygen, and it sounds like I would say something like that (her->His)

You should take pride in this one as I thank you for submitting you're piece. G'night.
| Posted on 2004-12-24 00:00:00 | by JR Hoodlum | [ Reply to This ]
  Nice and descriptive, I like how the images were tangible. The only thing I'd change is the third stanza. It seems like it's a few very poetic lines strung together, but they have nothing to do with each other. Rather confusing.

Good job, for the most part.

| Posted on 2004-12-24 00:00:00 | by Jester_Gesture | [ Reply to This ]
  Longing but fearing the pain that comes from such? Rough night leads me to think it is over someone you think will hurt you deeply? This is a great write and has me pondering alot of questions, maybe its past my bedtime...
| Posted on 2004-12-24 00:00:00 | by MidnghtScorpion | [ Reply to This ]
  Nice. The imagery was very good. You did a great job of conveying the emotion. The flow was good. So was the concept. Very nice job.
| Posted on 2004-12-24 00:00:00 | by AngelOutlaw | [ Reply to This ]

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