Description: Before he fell, Lucifer was the highest of the Seraphim and the chief of angels. But when God created men, Lucifer felt he was losing his authority and thus, with a third of the angels, he rebelled against God, in hopes of overthrowing the Creator and becoming ruler of the Kingdom of Heaven. The War in Heaven took place somewhere between the New and Old Testament, and it was estimated that 133,306,668 angels had fallen in nine days, Lucifer along with them.
I tried making the end happier, or at least to include Azrael, the Angel of Death, who is forever writing and erasing in a large book: he writes the name of man at birth and erases the name of man at death; Azrael had probably recorded the events during the War and the fallen angels. But when I tried to add more to the poem, it became worse.
This was really awkward for me to write, because I'm not Christian or religious...enjoy.
The War in Heaven -------------------------------------------
'Twas once upon a shattered land
Where Love did not withstand
Ascent to a path where angels hath trod
In function judged by the eyes of a smiling God
Whereas, upon His side
Did Lucifer proudly stride
The Creator's beloved son and Lilith's groom
Lucifer's image a seraphic mirage it could assume
An angel so passionately blessed
Willed upon a deliberate crest
But God was blinded as He continuously beamed
At that angel, whose soul could never be redeemed
The Creator called his angels to bow down to men
With complaint, Lucifer's face contorted mad and wan:
"A son of fire should bow before a son of clay?"
With God's authority questioned in mind, he refused to obey
So thus, the highest of the Seraphim joined forces with a third of the divine host
And raised a flag of rebellion against God and won--almost
In but nine days, 133,306,668 angels had fallen
Lost souls that occupied a death-filled solen
Heaven was a wasteland of bloodied corpses and broken wings
Death was brought as only a question of who would be king
Lucifer was consigned to his damnation in Hell
Heaven, ruined, burned, and pride had gone--farewell, farewell...
Wow. This really made me think about the whole War In Heaven thing. I'd never really thought about it before, but you seem to show an avid interest in it. The research you must have put into this poem just astounds me! I've never done that to write! I like the way you use a few older, almost Elizabethan words. I wouldn't call it Old English, like others have, Old English is really weird, trust me (you can't tell it's english, hardly), but it's definately a trip back in time. This poem seems like something that might have come out of that time, even, what with the subject matter of religious background and all. All in all I really like this.
You know . . . at first I wanted to rip you a bit for the anachronistic voice you used in this poem. I was going to say "write in today's language" but by the time I finished reading it, I had changed my mind, you'd won me over, and I found this to be a very very interesting piece of writing. I'm not religious and I vacillate between agnosticism and a quiet ecumenism, but I still find this theme of a war in heaven very fascinating. There was one word I wasn't sure about in the line:
"Lost souls that occupied a death-filled solen"
And you know, I'm not sure if this was an error or if you meant "solen" as in a razor shell <or any bivalve mollusk, for that matter>.
This poem has many virtues . . . heady, rich stuff. Good research and nice imaginative use of the subject material.
This is beautiful. It is so descriptive and so impressive. The theme is so wonderfully explained that i don't think you did anything wrong in the poem. I don't think i can critisize this. it's almost close to perfect.
There were some lines which were out of balance but no biggy, it still flows smoothly when i read it aloud.
i am so trying to figure out how you write so well at this age. it's honestly hard to believe. it's either you read alot or you just know this stuff too well.
I must applaud you. you are my new inspiration. Once again, this is a beautiful write. Well done.
Hey...I like this theme. Great job. Your old english in the poem...I felt like there was a "doth" out of place but otherwise, you pulled off the dramatic flair well. I'm so surprised to see people that are so young writing poetry as good or better than mine...lol. I've got some work to do. lol. I don't exactly agree with your point of view on heaven after the battle, but what can I say, I am a Christian. God proved his authority over Lucifer in a brilliant and wonderful display of divinity and power. I don't believe that "angel blood" was strewn about heaven...but if that's your interpretation of the remnants of the great battle, then by all means, I appreciate it. According to the Christ, "pride" was never a factor in describing heaven being that "pride" was a pagan emotion and that one should be humbled with humiliation. But here again, since you're not religious, then you really haven't been brought to know teachings of heaven and Christ. All in all, I really enjoyed the thought and descriptions in this poem. You're very talented and I hope to read more from you!:) -------wandering
This is an exciting theme. I really enjoyed reading your description & it added to the poem. For one so young, you seem to be well read and have a flair and taste for the dramatics. I feel this poem would be better presented in modern day tongue, because it's easier to use language you are familiar with accurately. I found the content of the poem to be fascinating DB