Parts of Speech (Parts of Me) by Memphis

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Submission Name: Parts of Speech (Parts of Me) dots

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Author:	Memphis
ASL Info:	21/f/Right Here
Elite Ratio:	5.13 - 130/158/31
Words:	118

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	337
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	767

Description:
As always I couldn't fall asleep so I decided to do some thinking about writing (the act of writing to be specific.) Here's what came out. My tried and true method worked; I fell asleep soon after I wrote this. Any thoughts or general advice would be great.

Parts of Speech (Parts of Me) dots

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Take your pen and put it to paper.
Write me down.
Outline the curve of my hips.
Describe the brown of my eyes.
Find synonyms for my fingertips.
Use antonyms for my hair.
Only the finest metaphor will do for my lips.
A simile won't quite fit the bill.
Dress me up in adjectives
Then strip me down to verbs.
Don't use too many nouns,
or I might seem a bit flaky.
Punctuation is imperative,
Make sure you get it right.
Watch out for contraction overuse
And the dreaded comma splice.
Pen and paper is all it takes,
You must create me at once.
Oh, and when you're done,
You'll have to revise and rewrite at least twice.

Submitted on 2004-12-26 20:21:18 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Now I am one of those reformed poets that is out there beating the war drums against post-modernistic confessionalism in all its forms, but here you manage to insert yourself into the poem, as well as the poem into you, in such a way that I had to smile at the sheer pluck of it. I wouldn't change a thing!
| Posted on 2005-02-20 00:00:00 | by Vancrown | [ Reply to This ]
  I shouldn't be reading this late, when I don't have time to give the proper attention to critiquing. Chanced upon this and had to say something...

I'm working on a piece very similar to this, as far as using grammatical terms and such. I hope it comes out half as good as this one...

Your subtle rhymes are cleverly crafted. You keep a nice beat...

Take your pen and put it to paper.
Write me down.
Outline the curve of my hips

This is one hell of a way to start...hooked me in to be sure...very sensual

Love the way you added little bits of humor throughout, especially the end.

Good stuff. Off to bed (to lie awake in the dark) but I'll certainly be back to read more of you.
| Posted on 2005-01-17 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
  The curve of your hips is to use verbally derived adjectives both alluring and provocatively tilting. In purer adjectives alabaster smooth and finger dimpled like Hades abducting Persephone in the Villa Borghese. The brown of your eyes both amber and topaz, deep tar pools where like countless others I could lie entrapped in their viscosity and not want to move. Your fingertips are dental probes that explore the crevices of my being, descale my sanity and leave me bleeding. Your hair is definitely not a mating anaconda ball of gorgon ferocity, more a glossy wave of cascading visual perfume over your breasts. Yours lips, those scarlet cushions upon the snail trail satin sheets where nthe asp of Clkeopatra might glide and insinuate your teeth. Thou art fair my love as a first morning, subtly supple, enduringly endearing. Vedrbally I strip and denude you, bare and adore you, gaze brazenly upon you. As a noun you are simply woman (Oh God, I hope so, or else I will seem extremely foolish writing this answer to your poem!). As for punctuation those self same lips are simply right anglked parentheses, your belly a colon (and duodenum). Sorry, my dear, but I don't revise. Take me as I am at first sight. Closer inspection will only show my age.
| Posted on 2004-12-27 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
  The best part of this, although it was all good, was the rhyme scheme. Faint and not overbearing. Nice play on words too. I'm glad to hear that school is going well. Good luck with your family when you declare your major.
Dave
| Posted on 2004-12-27 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
  This was rather fun to read, and interesting use of words and ideas here. You kept repeating parts of language and speech, but it never got old or became over-used, kudos to you.

"Don't use too many nouns,
or I might seem a bit flaky.
Punctuation is imperative,
Make sure you get it right."

This right here was my favourite grouping. The part baout nouns/flaky made me chuckle, and I'm a stickler for punctuation, and smiled when I saw that.

This was fun to read, I was amazed at how you took a simple topic and turned it into some beautiful and all your own. Excellent job.

--Kayla
| Posted on 2004-12-26 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]

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