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Broken Hope


Author: manicsmuse
ASL Info:    28
Elite Ratio:    3.69 - 146 /161 /55
Words: 65
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 762
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 437



Description:




Broken Hope



You used to come inside me

Now you come around

You used to like my smile

Now you like my frown

Slowly you creep inside my brain

I'm spinning, drunken, lost, insane

I'm waiting on my reserection

I've had the time to bleed

I'm on this little broken hope

And you are all I need




Submitted on 2004-12-27 16:38:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Very sweet. I like this piece. I like the flow to it.
It reminds me kinda about my life.
This is really good.
Hope to see more of your poems and etc.
Stephanie
| Posted on 2004-12-27 00:00:00 | by XxStephyxX04 | [ Reply to This ]
  i like it... i got kind of lost... meaning the first time i read it i didn't understand it... sorry
i like how you did the first lines...
You used to like my smile

Now you like my frown

that's good...
i must say i think the poem is a little weak. it needs to be strengthened
| Posted on 2004-12-27 00:00:00 | by darkwisdom623 | [ Reply to This ]
  drunkin - drunken
reserection- ressurection
I liked this piece, but I agree with Darkwisdom, it needs to be strengthened, expanded... the thoughts are alittle ... not dull but... too broad? they leave too much open for interpretation and misunderstanding.
I suggest you add a few lines, maybe just add more thoughts to the idea, see if you can get MORE in there. It definitly has a good basis. The last lines aren't NEARLY as strong as the 1st ones though. I loved the 1st four lines:

You used to come inside me

Now you come around

You used to like my smile

Now you like my frown
They were put together so well.
Good work and good luck!
-Andrya
| Posted on 2004-12-31 00:00:00 | by andrya | [ Reply to This ]


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