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    dots Submission Name: Breaking Awaydots

    Author: closebutremote
    ASL Info:    22/M/FL
    Elite Ratio:    2.69 - 54/77/16
    Words: 82
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1188
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 518


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    dotsBreaking Awaydots

    My faith is endearing,
    i fear the end is nearing,
    i can't find the clearing,
    look into my eyes and keep peering,
    you can't take it, the heat is so searing,
    i look away and my eyes are tearing,
    my lust i am fearing,
    your words i should be adhereing,
    but you keep on steering,
    me away from cheering,
    myself on to endure this crap that i'm hearing,
    so away from you i am veering,
    and it's me you keep jeering.

    Submitted on 2004-12-28 16:23:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I think that this is very cleverly done but it also becomes a little monotonous...just my thoughts :)..keep writing..and Happy New Year!
    | Posted on 2004-12-28 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]
      ummm-this piece is strange sounding-its just interesting-with all of the ending words rhyming.It is a very unique piece.
    | Posted on 2004-12-28 00:00:00 | by Raksha | [ Reply to This ]
      its different, in a good way. the rhyming is a bit much for me. the word choice was interesting, there's a better way of doing the rhyming but good write,

    | Posted on 2004-12-28 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]
      This is too rhymed. It's like an overdone nursery rhyme. To be completely honest, the lines wouldn't be at all interesting without the rhyme, and i just think that rhyme, end rhyme in particular, has been done to death.
    | Posted on 2004-12-30 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is great the rhyming and the flow. It is unique and that is good. I really like it. I wasn't wishing it was over like somethings.
    peace out
    | Posted on 2004-12-28 00:00:00 | by MiKkI25 | [ Reply to This ]
      My faith is endearing,
    i fear the end is nearing,
    i can't find the clearing,
    look into my eyes and keep peering,

    lots of ings lol i liked it...great write
    | Posted on 2004-12-28 00:00:00 | by shattered_dream | [ Reply to This ]

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