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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Doodlingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Civilian
    ASL Info:    21/M/Australia
    Elite Ratio:    7.14 - 146/166/35
    Words: 11
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1065
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 81



    Description:
       This is just a haiku that I wrote after I was scrawling circular patterns on a sheet of paper- I realised that my doodling could be used as a metaphor for random fate. Any comments are appreciated.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDoodlingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Spinning a vortex
    My pen traces vague etchings
    Life spirals onwards




    Submitted on 2004-12-28 23:57:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i think this must be the first time i have commented on a haiku, and i think this is a credit to your piece.
    they do not really do anything for me because it is very difficult to get a lot of depth and provoke thought into three lines. they are so brief that you have to be so careful in choosing every word, getting the syllables to fit and to sound right within the words.
    so having said that i think you have pretty much nailed this for the form that is in, it works in every way that it should, the lines are well written and it leaves us enough to think about when leaving.
    nice.
    take care
    on1eday.co.uk
    | Posted on 2004-12-29 00:00:00 | by on1eday.co.uk | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I don't understand much of what the previous commenter was trying to say, but I do like the description of your haiku - stylish. I agree with that. To be honest, most haikus are so cryptic that they leave me wondering just what the writer was trying to say and bored in the attempt to understand it (obviously, I've not read many successful haiku writers!), but this one was interesting indeed. Life does continue on, and often in circles, it seems! Thanks for sharing. mae
    | Posted on 2004-12-29 00:00:00 | by mae | [ Reply to This ]
      Most people know I would normally bow down to anyone here who can actually write a haiku and do it well. But..I'm a little tied up in the whole bowing down thing right now. Not going to get into why that is. I'll just leave that to you to think on. Anyway..as I said before..or kind of through all my randomness. I am in a random mood right now so yeah, this is a beautiful haiku. Stylish and...vortexy, if that is even a word. With my luck..it is not.

    You have done perfectly with the 5-7-5 syllable, that is what most people appear to have trouble with. I like the choice of words, it's just...great. Nice job. Now...back to what was tying me up before.

    -Jess
    | Posted on 2004-12-29 00:00:00 | by Crimsonpathways | [ Reply to This ]
      For something so short and simple... it was actually complex. I've never really had a taste for haiku... maybe I should try it... but that was really good. It just appealed in a way of someone doodling... while being bored in class or something.
    | Posted on 2004-12-29 00:00:00 | by poetofthenight | [ Reply to This ]


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