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    dots Submission Name: Just thoughts...dots

    Author: ForsakenAngel
    ASL Info:    19/F/Arkansas
    Elite Ratio:    6.37 - 147/73/18
    Words: 85
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1275
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 452

       I want some ideas on how to finish it off and about some things I should change because it is not finished yet. I am going to make it into a poem. Also my brother is one of those brave few and I wrote it for him so any suggestions would help. Thanks.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsJust thoughts...dots

    Look high at our flag that we fly
    and see its blazeing glory.
    Glory from above that which we love,
    with all our hearts
    and so many have fought and died to save.
    Lives have ended
    so many a blood has been spilt
    to protect that symbol of our great nation.
    So that we the people may live in peace
    and harmony,
    while the brave but few there of
    protect us from all harm.

    Submitted on 2004-12-29 18:35:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      hey, sorry, I forgot to comment on this before.....this is good...it is very different from what you usually write....its not positive, but its not uhhh...unpositive either so its good....sexy good..:)
    | Posted on 2006-06-27 00:00:00 | by maninthemirror | [ Reply to This ]
      The first two sentences are great. The last two need some work. If you are looking to make it into a poem, put it into stanza form. It is often easier to think "poetically" if you are looking at it like it's a poem. Work on making the last two lines more elegant without losing the meaning. It's a great start! Good luck.
    | Posted on 2004-12-29 00:00:00 | by AngelOutlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      okay that was a very good start this has alot of potential. You almost made me cry because you made me think of my dad hes over there in Iraq. You mentioned something about your brother is he over there? Well as for finishing it im going to leave it in your hands alright, because i think you did a very good job just put it in stanza form and go from there and write from your heart. Good luck.
    ~*Peace and Love*~
    | Posted on 2004-12-29 00:00:00 | by Riot Madden | [ Reply to This ]

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