Description: This is what I think...take the title in and incoporate it in with the poem...you'll understand it better.
Broken People -------------------------------------------
Lying there shattered
Dreams a mocking reflection
Hopes an empty esel
Respect a purchase too high
Reason lost on deaf ears
Here is where memories crumble
Here is where reality becomes fiction
Here...forgetting is a better theory
Here...is where a broken spirit
Becomes part of supersition
Just like a shattered mirror
In this place...
Where once a month
Someone is down on their luck
This place where sorrow and depression
Go hand in hand
Where millionaires don't exist
Where the unhappy are the majority
Where the homeless are at home
Here...is a place where poetry
Cleanses, purifies and dwells
Here...is a place where
Broken hearts bleed
Tears stain cheeks
Here... is where
Lover's Lane has loittered stones
Potentional is nothing private
Not dark, not sensitive, just alive
Broken up secrets
Dispersed on glass
Their lives tilted
Here...is the place
Where emotion is an empty glass
All used up
And these people are like...
An esel ripped apart
A broken mirror
With seven years bad luck
First impression i guess all i can think of after my first read through is, it is about this here sight,with people pouring their hearts out time and time again.
*Where the unhappy are the majority*
Can everyone be so unhappy? Well i guess angry or hurt people may want to express themselves through poetry a lot more, i know i probably write a bit more when im down and out, but i think most people not just here are unhappy, money doesnt make you happy, more oppurtunity to be happy yes, but millionaires can squander those chances...Happy is about bein comfortable with who you are,and i think they are in the minority...i did enjoy your poem though , dont think i would have typed as much if i didnt like it..
i think you have the basis for something good here but i do feel that the poem needs tightening in certain places.. and maybe it could be pared down a bit.
the first stanza is a bit clichéd.. and you have a typo in there.. i'm assuming 'esel' should be vessel? either way.. the images are definitely over-used in general.. so you might want to find a more powerful way to start off.
the second stanza is much better.. the repetition is good cause it really gives this sense of the endlessness of these people's plight... i especially like the lines "Here...forgetting is a better theory / Then remembering" .. but of course that should be "than" not "then".. i always get those two mixed up as well. But you kill the second stanza with that last line of the shattered mirror.. that image is dead and buried. it's just been used way too much.
the third stanza is good. nothing to really point out there.
fourth stanza.. again.. good use of repetition... but the poem seems to just slow down a bit here. something is missing. or there is too much of something. i cant tell what it is.. but this part definitely needs some sort of revamp.
i like the way you use the ellipses in the 5th stanza.. it gives this halting sense to the words.. like you're almost unsure of the place.. which is reinforced with the way you leave the sentence hanging till the next stanza. the only complaint i have here is the actual image of the heart bleeding.. again it's a bit clichéd.
sixth and seventh stanzas are excellent.. i love the images... especially "their lives tilted" .. now that is a perfect example of an original image.
eighth stanza.. you have the same mistake as before.. "esel".. ? i normally would have said the seven years bad luck line is also over-used.. but then with the last two lines you take that image and mould it into something new that is entirely yours.
i love the way you end it.. it closes on a very powerful note.
that's just my opinion of course.. take it or leave it. but i hope you can find something useful or helpful in this.
On the second section, the use of the word " here" seemed a bit of an over kill. I would try to use diffent words that mean the same as here. I also have to say the same thing on section 4 on the word " where" all this seems to do is slow this down and stumble the poem. I have to say that the poem in whole was deep and you ending was super! I enjoyed it and my suggestion is only of my personal taste is all. You have a wonderful worded poem and I adore it. Dana