Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Inadequatedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: riverseo
    ASL Info:    18/Male/Belfast
    Elite Ratio:    4.17 - 24/34/13
    Words: 220
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 2834
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1382



    Description:
       I guess i see and hear of too many people who have fallen into the trap of believing what other people tell them about themselves..and nothing i seem to say changes their mind about it, and i find it hard to take at times...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInadequatedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Who is it that leads you to believe
    Youíre a dog, on a lead
    Dragging you astray to deceive
    To somewhere they can make you bleed

    Why do you give in to fallacious statements
    Turning you into fly infested rotten fruit
    Tossed aside to suffer such abasements
    Taking you down a pointless route

    As far as I can see, and feel
    You're in no way inadequate
    Just a different perspective I appeal
    So please donít accept the predatorís bait

    They hurt you, itís sore
    It ferments in your gut
    The stench emanating from every pore
    And every inflicted cut

    Do not believe such simple lies
    Please donít become another victim
    Of a greedy, bloated society which tries
    To kill off its only hope at a whim

    Listen to what I say, the truth I know
    You are what makes life worth living
    The world would be a sadder place if you go
    Youíre the type that keeps on giving

    Donít let your precocious talent go to waste
    Let it thrive and you will too
    Give us just a small taste
    Of what I believe you can do

    Aghh! What more can I say?
    How can I stop your self destructive tendencies
    I see you losing your way
    But I donít see the inadequacies.




    Submitted on 2004-12-30 03:51:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Why do you give in to fallacious statements
    Turning you into fly infested rotten fruit
    Tossed aside to suffer such abasements
    Taking you down a pointless route
    Donít let your precocious talent go to waste
    Let it thrive and you will too
    Give us just a small taste
    Of what I believe you can do

    Aghh! What more can I say?
    How can I stop your self destructive tendencies
    I see you losing your way
    But I donít see the inadequacies.

    these three stanzas are what I felt the most. People today don't believe in their own reality or what other people think is good about them. They believe what lies people tell them about theirselves and they, as people accept it as reality, as real. As the reason as to why they are the ones in denial. People are not using the rules in which I know that their minds are telling them, even I do it sometimes, because some people believe if someone tells you that you're a failure enough times you start to believe it and make it a reality. And for some I just can't see why they make themselves this way, just to prove the robber correct.
    | Posted on 2004-12-30 00:00:00 | by Brwnsknsam05 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a very moving piece. You did a wonderful job. I would say that you tried to make this rhyme too much. It made it sound a little forced. I would maybe play with it a bit more and see if an open verse flow might make it a little better. With open verse you have more room to say what it is you wish to say, where in close rhyme you have to stick by too many rules. I would have loved to seen this in open flow. You have a beautiful way with words and I hope to see alot more of it soon to come. I will be seeing you around.
    Dana
    | Posted on 2004-12-30 00:00:00 | by raptures | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    39793

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Wavelength written by saartha
    ME written by jjd
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    untitled written by Chelebel
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    To written by SavedDragon
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Bond written by saartha
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Incubus written by monad
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    This written by Chelebel
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    Giving written by jjd

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry