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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Inadequatedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: riverseo
    ASL Info:    18/Male/Belfast
    Elite Ratio:    4.17 - 24/34/13
    Words: 220
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 2643
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1382



    Description:
       I guess i see and hear of too many people who have fallen into the trap of believing what other people tell them about themselves..and nothing i seem to say changes their mind about it, and i find it hard to take at times...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInadequatedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Who is it that leads you to believe
    Youíre a dog, on a lead
    Dragging you astray to deceive
    To somewhere they can make you bleed

    Why do you give in to fallacious statements
    Turning you into fly infested rotten fruit
    Tossed aside to suffer such abasements
    Taking you down a pointless route

    As far as I can see, and feel
    You're in no way inadequate
    Just a different perspective I appeal
    So please donít accept the predatorís bait

    They hurt you, itís sore
    It ferments in your gut
    The stench emanating from every pore
    And every inflicted cut

    Do not believe such simple lies
    Please donít become another victim
    Of a greedy, bloated society which tries
    To kill off its only hope at a whim

    Listen to what I say, the truth I know
    You are what makes life worth living
    The world would be a sadder place if you go
    Youíre the type that keeps on giving

    Donít let your precocious talent go to waste
    Let it thrive and you will too
    Give us just a small taste
    Of what I believe you can do

    Aghh! What more can I say?
    How can I stop your self destructive tendencies
    I see you losing your way
    But I donít see the inadequacies.




    Submitted on 2004-12-30 03:51:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Why do you give in to fallacious statements
    Turning you into fly infested rotten fruit
    Tossed aside to suffer such abasements
    Taking you down a pointless route
    Donít let your precocious talent go to waste
    Let it thrive and you will too
    Give us just a small taste
    Of what I believe you can do

    Aghh! What more can I say?
    How can I stop your self destructive tendencies
    I see you losing your way
    But I donít see the inadequacies.

    these three stanzas are what I felt the most. People today don't believe in their own reality or what other people think is good about them. They believe what lies people tell them about theirselves and they, as people accept it as reality, as real. As the reason as to why they are the ones in denial. People are not using the rules in which I know that their minds are telling them, even I do it sometimes, because some people believe if someone tells you that you're a failure enough times you start to believe it and make it a reality. And for some I just can't see why they make themselves this way, just to prove the robber correct.
    | Posted on 2004-12-30 00:00:00 | by Brwnsknsam05 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a very moving piece. You did a wonderful job. I would say that you tried to make this rhyme too much. It made it sound a little forced. I would maybe play with it a bit more and see if an open verse flow might make it a little better. With open verse you have more room to say what it is you wish to say, where in close rhyme you have to stick by too many rules. I would have loved to seen this in open flow. You have a beautiful way with words and I hope to see alot more of it soon to come. I will be seeing you around.
    Dana
    | Posted on 2004-12-30 00:00:00 | by raptures | [ Reply to This ]


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