[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Tygerdots

    Author: Civilian
    ASL Info:    21/M/Australia
    Elite Ratio:    7.14 - 146/166/35
    Words: 113
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1275
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 682

       The first thing that many of you will notice about the poem is that it shares its title with Blake's famous poem 'the tyger'- this is intentional as I have used some of his ideas about the nature of God and the fragment in the twelfth line is a quote from the original.

    Furthermore, it should be apparent that I am trying to rationalise the events in South East Asia in the last week and in doing so maintain some kind of religious faith.

    Any comments would be much appreciated.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Tygerdots

    In the distant deeps of the Orient
    A tyger stirs. He is at once divine;
    An idol of ebony claws, regal
    Gait and piquant autumn eyes. His mellow
    Bronze lustre is tarnished in a molten
    Rage and He is a deluge, engulfing
    The smouldering pyre of humanity.
    His eyes open to reveal a seething
    Hearth of blushing embers, entwined with veils
    Of ash. Embers bloom to flame, and the dread
    Hand of the tyger spits at the leaden
    Bengalese twilight. The tyger hunts, and
    I ask: Did He who made the Lamb make thee?
    In the distant deeps of the Orient
    The tyger prowls, terrible in His majesty.

    Submitted on 2004-12-30 11:12:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      How much of this is Blake and how much you? It is okay to pay homage to a favourite poet, but you also need to distance yourself from your idol or model in order to develop your own style. To quote the one line from Blake is okay, but then you have stolen his idiosyncratic spelling of TYGER and then also you have filched his phrase "dread hand". You have used very rich language here and your choice of vocabulary has been excellent to evoke the particular colours of the tiger which you wished to capture in verse. There is an inconsitency in your imagery which you need to remove.
    He is molten which is an entirely appropriate fire image for the orange red tiger. But then he becomes a deluge which is a cold wet thing that extinguishes the hot pyre thing of humanity. Next we are back to the hot fire thing of the tiger's eyes. Recommendation: keep the hot fire imagery for the tiger. Make humanity the opposite, a sea of humanity. Have the tiger not wetting the humanity but heating it, boiling it in some way.
    | Posted on 2005-01-16 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]