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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Gingerly Mistakendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Brwnsknsam05
    ASL Info:    32/F/ Cuba
    Elite Ratio:    4.78 - 399/440/103
    Words: 198
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 916
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1515



    Description:
       I don't know...its about a guy...take a guess


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGingerly Mistakendots
    -------------------------------------------


    I fell to this world
    Empty...
    Vulnerable...
    And broken

    And it made me...
    Arrogant
    Lustful
    And mystifying

    This world
    Mocked me
    Tricked me
    Held me close

    I loved this world
    Toasted to it
    Cradled its endevors
    Welcomed its enemies

    I hoped
    I prayed
    I asked
    For many things

    I waited...
    I trembled
    I mumbled
    And I kneeled

    I came before this world
    My...boy...my him
    I came to him
    Out of spite

    I came to him
    Sleepy
    Ignorant
    And scornful

    He made me
    Blissful
    Passionate
    And respected

    He made me his
    I made him mine
    Two paths connected
    One path entertwined

    I made him mine...

    I dropped into this world
    Alone.
    Scared.
    And lost

    He came into my heart
    Slowly
    Steadily
    And with ease

    He just fits...

    And I fell
    Into his lap
    Into his arms
    Into his eyes

    And I realized...

    I am apart of his world
    And not this one
    That was where I was mistaken

    He shelters me from myself
    Hugs me when no one would
    Appreciates me, for me
    In this world

    We rule together




    Submitted on 2004-12-30 11:17:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Is sounds as though you are talking about Jesus...? I'm not a big religious person, so if it's not, I wouldn't know... I liked how, although it wasn't abrupt with describing (like most poetry isn't), I could actually understand it. So yeah, kudos...
    | Posted on 2004-12-30 00:00:00 | by poetofthenight | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this! I like the short lines and direct voice. This could be about a guy, a child, or God. All three fit. You said a guy, so we'll leave it there. It is amazing how caring for another brings purpose to our lives. What was once a hollow quest for personal growth, becomes a selfless giving to another. I guess it's what they call love.

    Your poem shows this change in the life of the narrator. Instead of waiting and hoping, she rules. Through the use of quick, brief images of past and present, we see this change happening and hopefully we realize that it is love. I think you have chosen all of the right words here, and that's important, because they are so few in number. I think it is "intertwined" and not as you have it. A fast paced look into the discovery of "love", the meaning of life, and the sense of belonging that love brings. I really enjoyed this, thanks for posting it.

    Phil
    | Posted on 2004-12-30 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      Thats what it's all about right? Finding that one that you can rule your world with. I liked it, It was firm but loving at the same time. and that was the cool part about it. The way that you said you made him yours, but you still fell into his eyes, his lap, and fell into his love. entertwined, thats about the best feeling when you love someone. That feeling of not being so lost and scared and alone, cause you'll be with someone no matter what. I loved it micaela

    Brent
    | Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by austin | [ Reply to This ]


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