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    dots Submission Name: Hint of a Smiledots

    Author: LadyChaos
    ASL Info:    19/F/DE
    Elite Ratio:    3.42 - 718/606/95
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1374
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 585

       I put this under Being a Teen because there is no "growing up" genre.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHint of a Smiledots

    I have matured much since our last exchange,
    I have grown
    I have learned.
    I have found love.

    The last gave me the courage to crawl out
    Of the confines my cocoon.

    At first, I was still frightened
    The fear clung to my soul,
    The way the damp wings clung to my back.
    But for once, it was the sun
    Who was my savior.
    I basked in his warmth
    Sunning my wings
    Soon I spread them
    And flew away
    With the hint of a smile on my lips,
    Because I had done it on my own.

    Submitted on 2004-12-30 14:46:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      So gracious was this written. In contrast to life, is the struggle of the Butterfly. Who leads the way and waits for that sunshine then takes flight with a smile for what they have over come. A beautiful struggle of true beauty. That becomes as a blossom just at the right time.

    Sincerly Gannondalf aka Big Bear
    | Posted on 2006-06-23 00:00:00 | by Gannondalf | [ Reply to This ]
      very nice. i loved the part about the damp wings, and then the sun shines on you, dries them and sends you on your way! write on!
    | Posted on 2005-01-22 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      I rather liked this... the concept of the garden, and the independence that you stopped reaching out for someone else to save you and allowed nature to take its own course (ie, the sun drying your damp wings) to give you the freedom to fly. It had good imagery. As for the "I" concept and writing in first person... well, let's look at Sylvia Plath as well as almost every published phenomenal poet in history, who writes with overwhelming ego and parallels poetry into personal experience and say, It Works. It brings the piece home to me. If you were writing about a little garden fairy, it would be cheesey... but you're not. This is YOUR experience, and you OWN that independence, and it was a hard struggle to achieve it, as brushed briefly in your illustration of words. It worked for me. I thought it was charming and I enjoyed it.
    | Posted on 2004-12-30 00:00:00 | by grey_girl | [ Reply to This ]
      The first four lines were very promising. You could elaborate more about growing and learning. Show me, don't just tell. Tie in the metaphors with reality. The last stanza seemed too fairy tale. I didn't get a sense of what the first four lines offered: maturing, growing, and finding love. Show me all of that.
    | Posted on 2004-12-30 00:00:00 | by musaXX | [ Reply to This ]
      u know i cant pick out mistakes easily but i enjoyed the poem the pictures were vauge but ur not use to happy poems lol my favorite line though was The way the damp wings clung to my back. "But for once, it was the sun
    Who was my savior." makes me feel good like im hot or something lol it just needs more details
    | Posted on 2004-12-31 00:00:00 | by plasticshrapnel | [ Reply to This ]

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