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    dots Submission Name: Unnecessary Spectator Eventsdots

    Author: eener
    ASL Info:    21/f/wi
    Elite Ratio:    5.55 - 351/370/53
    Words: 124
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 1012
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 893

       I wrote this piece concerning the tsunami activities in SouthEast Asia.
    Thoughts on the amount of content in my piece would be highly appreciated, because I don't know whether it said what I wanted it to, and whether or not it could use another stanza at the end.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUnnecessary Spectator Eventsdots

    Tragedies descend upon green grasses
    And through these rose colored glasses,
    It's hard for the ignorant to see
    The powers that inevitably
    Endeavor to annihilate the masses.

    Mother Earth has lessons to teach
    Regarding the human tendancy to leech
    From her more than she wills,
    And to summon a power that kills
    Increases the ears her voice will reach.

    As her waves recklessly do what they please
    Killing thousands with unbelievable ease,
    Billions stay painfully unaware
    That the reasoning behind this affair
    Lies in unheard warnings she often decrees.

    Watching with shock on a many a worried face
    The spectators shrug and regain their pace,
    Believing they are numb
    To the effects of this outcome
    Brought about by their negligent ways.

    Submitted on 2004-12-30 23:10:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      honesty has a good point.

    however, i think it best to be put that these natural "disasters" are only disasters to humans, really.

    i'm sure mother earth feels as much better as we do when we pass gas or belch.

    but for your poem, no extra ending is needed, it said everything quite well. good job!
    | Posted on 2004-12-31 00:00:00 | by osweetrepose | [ Reply to This ]
      That was a good poem eener, too bad honesty missed the point, and decided to talk *hit out of his ass. He should know that not only poor people died but some of my dad's friends have gone missing in the disaster, so i say to honestly to lay of the weed for a while and come back to reailty.

    Eener that was a good job.
    | Posted on 2004-12-31 00:00:00 | by moski02 | [ Reply to This ]
      I think the amount of content in this piece was just about right. For these types of writes, generally, you don't want it to be too short or glib, but at the same time, you don't want to drag it out and belabor the point by making it too long.

    Pieces on tragedies generally tend to go down one of two paths they can either be a close sympathetic outpouring of emotion (typically sadness, anger, frustration) meant to support and/or heal, or drawn further away, making important, if painful, observations and issuing a message of some sort, usually either a lesson to be learned and/or warning to be heeded. This one tended more towards the latter.

    The poem was well-written; the rhyming scheme was good and unforced, and I think the message in the piece is a good one that needs to be reflected upon by everyone.

    About the only negative crit I have, is that I'm not too sure about using the word 'sports' in the title for a piece on this sort of subject. I do understand the idea you are putting forth with the title, but except for L2 in S4, I'm not sure there is anything else in the poem to tie the title closer in with the poem if you know what I mean, so you may want to rethink the title a bit.

    Just my thoughts. Hope they help.
    | Posted on 2004-12-31 00:00:00 | by timberwolf720 | [ Reply to This ]
      honesty is totally missing the point, like someone else said. the tsunami did not discriminate b/w rich and poor. people on their Christmas vacations in upscale resorts were washed away as well... i admire your ability to put your thoughts into this poignant write. it is a hard thing to write about without sounding sappy or sentimental. very well done. i just hope that people wake up to the fact that we are destroying our earth in bits and pieces.
    | Posted on 2004-12-31 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      hey this is pretty cool.
    how many days has this been here.
    man, I need to quit drinking.
    like the rhyme and reasoning behind it.
    it's intriguing. it is laced with warnings, which is
    such a harsh word, but sometimes, warnings are a good thing.
    sometimes, if we had not been warned, we would have not gotten a second chance.
    | Posted on 2005-01-09 00:00:00 | by max | [ Reply to This ]
      *I like the rhyme and reasoning
    d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d
    | Posted on 2005-01-09 00:00:00 | by max | [ Reply to This ]

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