Description: I wrote this piece concerning the tsunami activities in SouthEast Asia.
Thoughts on the amount of content in my piece would be highly appreciated, because I don't know whether it said what I wanted it to, and whether or not it could use another stanza at the end.
That was a good poem eener, too bad honesty missed the point, and decided to talk *hit out of his ass. He should know that not only poor people died but some of my dad's friends have gone missing in the disaster, so i say to honestly to lay of the weed for a while and come back to reailty.
I think the amount of content in this piece was just about right. For these types of writes, generally, you don't want it to be too short or glib, but at the same time, you don't want to drag it out and belabor the point by making it too long.
Pieces on tragedies generally tend to go down one of two paths – they can either be a close sympathetic outpouring of emotion (typically sadness, anger, frustration) meant to support and/or heal, or drawn further away, making important, if painful, observations and issuing a message of some sort, usually either a lesson to be learned and/or warning to be heeded. This one tended more towards the latter.
The poem was well-written; the rhyming scheme was good and unforced, and I think the message in the piece is a good one that needs to be reflected upon by everyone.
About the only negative crit I have, is that I'm not too sure about using the word 'sports' in the title for a piece on this sort of subject. I do understand the idea you are putting forth with the title, but except for L2 in S4, I'm not sure there is anything else in the poem to tie the title closer in with the poem if you know what I mean, so you may want to rethink the title a bit.
honesty is totally missing the point, like someone else said. the tsunami did not discriminate b/w rich and poor. people on their Christmas vacations in upscale resorts were washed away as well... i admire your ability to put your thoughts into this poignant write. it is a hard thing to write about without sounding sappy or sentimental. very well done. i just hope that people wake up to the fact that we are destroying our earth in bits and pieces.
hey this is pretty cool. how many days has this been here. man, I need to quit drinking. like the rhyme and reasoning behind it. it's intriguing. it is laced with warnings, which is such a harsh word, but sometimes, warnings are a good thing. sometimes, if we had not been warned, we would have not gotten a second chance.