Description: To be actually a "song," a poem has to have an accompanying tune, but seeing as this one doesn't, it's actually just a poem. However, "Love Song of the Pessimist" sounded (and looked) better. Bare with me, I'm only 14.
Love Song of the Pessimist -------------------------------------------
i am shatterproof glass,
i am immune to affection.
a life without petty romance
is a life led with perfection.
but
my plan backfired,
my senses have been seized.
i'm stranded here vulnerable
in the middle of my indecisive unease.
and
i haven't got a clue
as to what to do next.
this satisfyingly tormenting emotion
won't leave me at rest.
i like it a whole lot it shows how uncontrolable love can be and has a good out look onto the subject. and i think its a very good poem age doesnt matter you write better than some 20 year olds i know. you have true talent my fav part was definetly "i am shatterproof glass, i am immune to affection. a life without petty romance is a life led with perfection." its so true keep it up!
This is very nice and a bit unresting. I understand this poem, and even though you are only 14, this can relate to anyone of any age.
You might want to work on the wording, which was fine for this peice, but it could be worded a bit more complex to fit the mood. That will come with more experience, though.
I like it. Extremely well. OH how hard we try not to fall in love but when will we learn that Love sneaks up on us like a predator and truely strikes when we least expect it. Damn it the power it has over us. I loved your piece. It spoke millions about emotion and the struggle to run from love. ~BCute
darls you are a wonderful writer... you need not defend yourself and you ought not speak of your age as a bad thing... you have great talent for your age (damn i sound like an old lady... promise im not! unless 22 is old to you ) but seriously... you should be VERY proud of your work. this is a well constructed write. i think the title is completely perfect. i love the progression of this piece. the way it starts off outlining all the precautions and walls put in place so that love cannot touch you and you cannot touch it and then it moves on to telling the walls come down though not necessarily how (and the how isnt actually important in regards to this piece coz that isnt what you are trying to convey really...) and theres what you are left with and the contradictory almost oxymoronic feel of "satisfyingly tormenting" that shows the reader quite the state of confusion you are in... the pleasure and the pain... two sides of the same coin... this is a very good write and one that i am sure many can identify with! keep up the great work! (im almost dying of jealous!)
Submission Name: Love Song of the Pessimist
) but seriously... you should be VERY proud of your work.