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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Winter's Delightdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raven_s Miser
    ASL Info:    16-female- wap
    Elite Ratio:    4.64 - 68/54/18
    Words: 325
    Class/Type: Poetry/Happy
    Total Views: 915
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1850



    Description:
       I am just looking for any commentary

    this selection is about how we view the maning of christmas and what it is we actually see and what we don't like to admit we do.
    but i read this for my hight school chorus concert and I know it is a little late for christmas but i hope you see where i am comming from

    and yes i got most of the typos(LOL)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWinter's Delightdots
    -------------------------------------------


    It's that special time of year when you come together and celebrate with all of those you are to hold dear.

    To sing the songs of the holy child.

    Just to sit and watch the snow fall down,
    until it gracefully lands and kissed the ground.

    Knowing when you wake up to the bright morning sun,
    and realize the fun has just begun.

    When you walk downstairs and see the children laughing and smiling,
    and the wrapping paper compiling.

    Then sitting down for a home cooked meal with the family , and then you realize and soak in what you see.

    What exactly is it about Christmas that makes you feel this way?
    Maybe because someday you will remember this very moment that was captured by the pure essence of Christmas,and what it was mean to be seen as.

    This very special holiday is about so many values that one-day will come back and teach the lessons not only to you but to those who believe that it all is true.

    Believing that it's not about the money,
    or about how much somebody spent on me.

    Christmas is that time of the year when we look around and realize the love we share.
    And how we show each other that we care,
    and watch our gatitude be spread everywhere.

    The greatest of the great have something that they are to hold dear,
    and I will say that is very sincere.

    I cherish the memories of years past,
    and now I can stop and take a brief glance of what it is that Christmas means to me.

    And I wish for you to see the wonderful bliss that surrounds us during this special time of year.

    To ever brown eyed boy and every curly haired girl .... I wish you a very merry Christmas.




    Submitted on 2005-01-01 08:40:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I remember you reciting this at the concert.It made me cry a little bit.It definatly warmed the hearts of the people at that concert.I like this poem because it does capture the true meaning of winter,a holiday that's cold but warm inside and meant to be spent with the family especially at Christmas.
    | Posted on 2005-06-03 00:00:00 | by ArtichokeMosher | [ Reply to This ]
      its a pretty simple, nicely uplifting poem that doesn't delve too deep into thinking matter, just states that christmas is a time to be with people you love. as far as language goes though, i felt the rhyme was strained in some parts. overall it was a bit too heart-warming for my liking and surfacy but for what it is, a piece of seasonal joy to be shared, it's good enough.
    | Posted on 2005-01-01 00:00:00 | by infernal_rose | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, my dear, I'm sure it was received well at your high school concert. I think, however, that it needs quite a bit of work. I don't mind that it doesn't delve really deeply into the REAL purpose of Christmas (especially since it was intended for a school concert), but grammatically it needs work and the rhyming isn't easy and flowing or even consistent. Sometimes ou rhyme and sometimes you don't even try.

    Twice you set us up to tell us something, then left us hanging:" Knowing when you wake up to the bright morning sun,
    and realize the fun has just begun." Knowing what? That the fun has just begun? Then why do you also use the word "realize"? You've either left us hanging by our fingertips or you've been redundant. Neither one is correct or good.

    "Christmas is that time of the year when we look around and realize the love we share."

    Realize what about the love we share? Realize is a verb that needs a modifying clause, usually beginning with the word "that" and telling us something active about the subject. Thus, you'd need to add something like: "Realize that the love we share is the embodiment of Christmas." That line is just an example - it doesn't fit your piece, at all.Even if you left out the word "that" as understood, you'd need the rest of the clause.

    As far as the rhyming goes, you need to decide first if you're going to rhyme or not, then stick with that decision. Here, you start out with no rhyme, then in the middle your begin rhyming though it doesn't flow well, then at the end you stop rhyming again. Were you actually going for free verse and just got caught up in the words there in the middle?

    Anyway, it takes guts to read your own compositions in front of the whole school. I congratulate you for that. Now, rewrite the piece!8) mae









    | Posted on 2005-01-01 00:00:00 | by mae | [ Reply to This ]


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