Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Relationship?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Lady Tragedy
    ASL Info:    15/F/Not Where You Are
    Elite Ratio:    3.66 - 87/66/14
    Words: 320
    Class/Type: Prose/Serious
    Total Views: 803
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1855



    Description:
       There's not much to say about this piece except that I hope you get as much out of it as I do.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRelationship?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    He's a hard worker, a good provider for his beautiful family. He stumbles into consciousness every morning, turns on his side, and gives his wife a kiss on the cheek (but it's dry it's oh so dry there's nothing in it at all...)

    His wife is pretty, but faded. White hair peeks out from under the red like a threat. She wakes up to the sound of her husband's electric razor in the bathroom. Every morning. She sighs deeply, inhaling another day of endless responsibility (but is it worth it is it worth it is it worth it?...)

    At his job, he is a role model. People want to lead the kind of life he leads (but if only they knew if only they knew...)

    He comes home at 6:00 pm, everyday. Shrugs off his jacket, shrugs off another day of his life (when will it end God when will it end?...) His wife has just finished making dinner in the kitchen. She's wearing her light blue scrub. She works the graveyard shift at the hospital. This is the only time they have together. Thirty minutes.

    "How was your day, hon?" he asks, sitting down at the table. "Fine, just fine," she says, nodding (no it wasn't don't lie just tell him why don't you...) "And the kids?" he asks next, systematically (do they know their mommy and daddy no not at all...) In truth, their daughter shelters a secret that they will not be let in on for nine more months. In truth, their son is being tormented at school because he's different (mommy and daddy try to ignore it but they know they know he's different...) "Fine," she tells him. "The kids are just fine."

    The thirty minutes are up. She leans over and gives him a kiss (another dry one dry as bone...) She leaves.

    He eats his dinner.




    Submitted on 2005-01-01 17:14:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i guess what you have to get from this is that you have to give your heart soul body and mind to a family or else it just doesnt work right. and you always need to have good communication other wise problems dont get fixed and people begin to loose intorest. nice work and great way to get people thinking. lia
    | Posted on 2005-01-01 00:00:00 | by lili | [ Reply to This ]
      Unfortunate. I blame society. Very good writing that needs little improvement. This is what I call 'stuck in a rut' and the best thing to do is something crazy. Really. It's not just the voices in me head saying that. :)
    | Posted on 2005-01-01 00:00:00 | by pyrestarter | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm so in love with your writing. For someone of such youngblood you've said this well and i'm adding it to my favorites. I've never been through something like this and i can only sympathize, but i'm truly glad you wrote this.
    | Posted on 2005-01-02 00:00:00 | by calling eve | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a painfully beautiful and true piece. People too often live lies in order to have what is believed to be true happiness. The wife, the home, the family... but is it the answer to true happiness? Not always.
    | Posted on 2005-01-03 00:00:00 | by Redstarr | [ Reply to This ]
      I really, really liked this. Emotional, and true. Life isn't always sweet, or even bitter-sweet. I think it really captured something in life that people often choose to ignore. I found the piece had a beat and a flow while still retaining it's sense of spontanious wording. I must say, I really did love this.
    | Posted on 2005-01-22 00:00:00 | by Emma_closes | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    40085

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Dream written by closetpoet
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Carry written by saartha
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Records I written by Raphael
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    The World written by jjd
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry