Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Five W'sdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Lady Tragedy
    ASL Info:    15/F/Not Where You Are
    Elite Ratio:    3.66 - 87/66/14
    Words: 203
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1043
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 651



    Description:
       I'm really proud of this poem. It's about insecurity, and how it can consume our lives and paralyze our spirit. Almost everybody spends half (if not more) of their time worrying what other people think, and only the truly brave admit to it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Five W'sdots
    -------------------------------------------


    who
    am i trying to impress?

    why
    do i constantly feel
    criticizing eyes boring into my unworthy
    flesh?

    what
    kind of person do people
    like more - the obviously flawless or
    the flawed but content?

    where
    can i find solace and
    is it free? for i love
    a good bargain, don't you?

    when
    shall i lay myself down and
    surrender to the insecurity
    of just being me?





    Submitted on 2005-01-01 17:44:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hey there. People definatly do worry too much about what other people think. I like the concept of this piece as well as the thoughts you portrayed in it.

    The only suggestions I have about it would be this; make sure that you capitalize "I" when you are talking about yourself. The formatting needs a little work. The way you broke up the lines made it a little difficult to follow. Other than that though, I see nothing wrong with this piece. Great work.

    I must say, and I do hope this doesn't offend you, that you write well for someone your age. I've seen so many young writers fall into the trap of writing poetry that doesn't really say much. But you seem to have a lot to say and the capacity for words to say those things. Keep it up.

    Much love to ya. :-)
    | Posted on 2005-01-01 00:00:00 | by Juliets_dagger | [ Reply to This ]
      good, original work. fresh. in my opinion doesn't need anything and has content you don't see in every poem out there. kudos, let's see some more.
    | Posted on 2005-01-01 00:00:00 | by pyrestarter | [ Reply to This ]
      First you get a standing ovation for being for you original concept and for the layout.

    Your poem was very good with each message.

    My suggestion would be to lose the last stanza and stick with the 5 w things, otherwise you lose too much by adding the last stanza.
    | Posted on 2005-01-01 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with this message. Everyone worries about what other people think. Its reality. I mean I worry what other people think of me. I try not to. Buts it like, is my clothes in style, what if I go out with him, what will everyone say. There is lots of ?'s girls and guys ask theirselves what will peers think of them.

    I like this, it shows a good message. It is true. Lot of people don't want to admitt but its true.
    | Posted on 2005-01-01 00:00:00 | by XxStephyxX04 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    40090

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    This written by Chelebel
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    ME written by jjd
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    "other people don't get that" written by Daniel Barlow
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    Saying it to you with some gangsta shit written by Daniel Barlow
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Benediction written by Daniel Barlow
    Some of it written by Daniel Barlow
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Stretto written by saartha
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    Legends written by poetotoe
    Everyone written by poetotoe
    Chasing The Lie written by jackz
    One day older, One year wiser. written by Rhythmal
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Where is My Ghost written by ForgottenGraves
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    less is more written by Daniel Barlow
    Bam Bam / Bre-anna written by Daniel Barlow
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry