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5:33 am


Author: MyKemicalfailur
Elite Ratio:    4.15 - 267 /123 /15
Words: 83
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1458
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 553



Description:


I wrote this a while ago. It isn't the best but let me know what you think about it. There probly are some spelling errors...I always end up with a lot.


5:33 am



Feeling the blade
So cold
Yet so warm
Her face starts to fade

She can't touch him here
The blood starts to drain
He's shed his last tear
There's no more pain

She may ask why
But she can't understand
Just let him die
And leave this hateful land

His feelings of hate were just too deep
This is his only escape
5:33 am, her alarm clock will beep
She'll hear his goodmorning recorded on a tape




Submitted on 2005-01-01 21:25:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Well finally I get a turn. As such I see how your poetry here has effected so many. Indeed with a write like that. First off well written in every sence. Very creative in a special kinda way. Creativity is it's own talent, I am sure you would agree. Also I might add a saying of mine that comes to mind. All good things come to an end. Is the statement. Ahh on contray, all bad things come to an end also. In life there is bad however there is so much good. Patience and keep searching for the good and you will find it. Or if you keep an open eye you will see that it comes to you. %)


Sincerely Gannondalf aka Big Bear
| Posted on 2006-07-27 00:00:00 | by Gannondalf | [ Reply to This ]
  This actually brought a tear to my eye. Though I did not shed it, it made itself known. I scratched myself a couple times, but I know I am too much of a coward to actually do the deed.

My uncle shot himself, he didn't want to put my aunt through so much, but the truth is, had he stayed alive, she would still love him with all her heart. I once told my friend after he almost OD'd one night that if he killed himself I would go to his funeral, but I couldn't promise him that I would still love him after he was gone. He thought his life was so terrible, he thought he was only hurting the people around him, but when he as an inch away from death, still grasping at life, he realized that through it all there were still people who loved him, who needed him...even though seconds before he thought he was alone in the world.

Sorry to go off on a tangent, I tend to do that if the writing permits thinking...which it is intended to do. Whether or not it is accomplished is a whole different story.

I realize that this has nothing to do with your poem but I decided to share, though you probably won't care for this information. I just found out ther "wether" is a castrated ram.

I have nothing else to say, and after that I am not sure you want to read any futher.
Bonnie
| Posted on 2006-01-22 00:00:00 | by Krazy | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a very sad poem but also a very good one.U r very talented!Never give up on writing.
I dont think theres nothing to make it ne better but great job!
| Posted on 2006-01-13 00:00:00 | by suicidal_chick | [ Reply to This ]
  i think it was an idea that's been done a million times before, but it is saved by the ending.

i found myself reading it thinking...yep...same old same old read this a million times befo....wait a minute...taped message?

so yeah, it makes your mind re-read the poem and look for some clue as to what was on the tape.

so an old concept, but a nice little twist that is your own. well done.
| Posted on 2005-12-24 00:00:00 | by Senna27NZ | [ Reply to This ]
  this was a beautiful poem, though maybe not too original(but then again, it's pretty hard to come up with anything original nowadays). I like the way it wakes up questions: what actually happened? who was she? who was he? and why on earth should her alarm clock beep at that hour of the day?! me likey<3
| Posted on 2005-01-23 00:00:00 | by _taateli_ | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow- i'm seeing a lot of these poems I hope people r going to feel better anyways its a good poem tho. I think u can add a lil more imagery tho. Well keep up the work!
| Posted on 2005-01-01 00:00:00 | by silly monkey | [ Reply to This ]
  This is so well written, I absolutely loved it.Seemed very personal and that my friend is what makes it bleed with emotion and give it the depth that it hold so well. I really look forward to more here...keep writing.
| Posted on 2005-01-01 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
  konichiwa
im sorry but you can feel better knowing that your not alone if you read my work you will realize that
sayonara
| Posted on 2005-01-01 00:00:00 | by wolfwoodphreak | [ Reply to This ]
  this was an awesome poem... what was your inspiration? It was a little bit confusing..i wasn't sure what was going on.

later..
| Posted on 2005-01-02 00:00:00 | by jessie thomas | [ Reply to This ]
  awesome. i like darkness of it. although i worry, the only things you've posted are things about suicide and death. there has to be some happiness within you. it might take some digging but im sure you could find light. anywho, good job.

Rain
| Posted on 2005-01-02 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]
  I like the way its written im just not very clear on what happened though ..did the boy die..or..

His feelings of hate were just too deep

what was wrong with him?
| Posted on 2005-01-09 00:00:00 | by DreamInColour07 | [ Reply to This ]


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