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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Cigarette Stainsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 107
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 775
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 669



    Description:
       THis was written in a guys point of view.Sorry for postin this twice.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCigarette Stainsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    stains on your heart
    like I was ever really there
    scars embedded in your mind
    like you ever really cared

    and like I smoke this bloody cigarette
    I am filled with you
    a smoky haze of guilt that I have come back to this place

    suicide girl
    you know I never will forget you
    living in your own world
    you know it could of worked out

    she painted the blood on her stupid cigarette
    she cured my pain and I never will
    forget

    stains on your heart
    like I was ever really there
    scars embedded in your mind
    like you ever really cared




    Submitted on 2005-01-02 04:33:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      When did you post this? Sounds almost like my cig. comparison in "I cannot quit you" dam, well cigs are a good metaphor, huh? Like a bad marriage that's eating you "till death do us part" I saw that 1 too. Your comparison was unclear, you should have written more. More descriptive language is needed too. But enjoyed the read. Keep postin.
    | Posted on 2005-01-02 00:00:00 | by screams | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm sorry i thgough this was quite redundant. I dind't like it at all. I really think it needs a lot of work and you can give it that. You are talented but this really doens't show it.
    peace work on it
    mikki
    | Posted on 2005-01-02 00:00:00 | by MiKkI25 | [ Reply to This ]
      i dont like it much either. you have a wonderful start it just needs some work. and im sure that you could make if fantastic. sorry.

    Rain
    | Posted on 2005-01-02 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]


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