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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Smiles in the Ripplesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: EternitysLyre
    ASL Info:    20/M/Taiwan.
    Elite Ratio:    7.13 - 151/168/42
    Words: 335
    Class/Type: Poetry/Friendship
    Total Views: 387
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2552



    Description:
       It's a really personal, month-old write; a goodbye, as you could see. You probably won't get it, but it's not meant to be understood.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSmiles in the Ripplesdots
    -------------------------------------------




    (There and back again.)
    Couldn’t see the circle until I tripped over the starting line
    Laughing it off, getting up,
    But not stepping forward
    (Again.)
    .
    .
    .
    He sat there, silent, on the rock
    Staring, gazing, talking;
    Whisp'ring at the distant hawk
    Within the waters, walking

    For in the liquid sat himself,
    Reflected, quiet, hiding,
    Although his face framed perfect health
    The wet eyes were deciding

    In all the days and nights before
    The waves had washed his thoughts unclear
    Plunging, forming, lost in lore
    Reflections lost in whispers dear

    And now the water, languid, calm
    In startling truth and arid air
    Like laden wisps of silent psalms
    Reflected nothing there.

    It seemed himself yet seemed untrue
    His face, though rather fair
    Amidst the pale sky’s mirrored blue
    Something wasn’t there—

    —Wakeful winds of silent times in decrescendo dance
    Biting airs, cremated cares together murder chance
    Inveigled serendipity asphyxiates in trance
    Alone in wish-torn quietude will emptiness enhance

    Solemnities of remedies attempt to mend the last
    Forgetful airs in melodies that wind-chime of the past
    Ringing of the enemies whose thoughtful shadows cast
    Gentle aches of all the stakes, all driven in too fast

    And smile again, he dearly tried
    A laugh caught on his tongue
    Mirth dammed up behind his eyes
    and welling, swelling lungs…

    …(Once upon a Neverland and sky-shy shattered stars
    Once upon the silver lining fragile strongholds gave
    Once upon forgetful oceans salines shimmered cues
    Naïve, a raindrop dashed and drowned within itself, not far
    From ever-lost horizons where sweet dreams joined idle waves

    (I closed my eyes, in dark reprise, and try to forget—


    — — —Once, once upon a time,
    A boy stared into the water, face heavy
    Hollow air weighing where his heart should be
    (And though he wasn’t)



    ...He was smiling in the ripples…










    Submitted on 2005-01-02 08:34:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is extraordinary, both in its idea and in its execution. It sort of built on itself, becoming more and more complex as it continued. I won't even pretend to have absorbed all the nuances this presents. I'm gong to have to read it several more times before I can even give you a decent comment - and I will. But I just wanted to say at the outset that it is an extraordinary composition. Thank you for sharing - and I will read it again and review it for real. mae
    | Posted on 2005-02-27 00:00:00 | by mae | [ Reply to This ]
      This is extraordinary, both in its idea and in its execution. It sort of built on itself, becoming more and more complex as it continued. I won't even pretend to have absorbed all the nuances this presents. I'm gong to have to read it several more times before I can even give you a decent comment - and I will. But I just wanted to say at the outset that it is an extraordinary composition. Thank you for sharing - and I will read it again and review it for real. mae
    | Posted on 2005-02-27 00:00:00 | by mae | [ Reply to This ]
      This is extraordinary, both in its idea and in its execution. It sort of built on itself, becoming more and more complex as it continued. I won't even pretend to have absorbed all the nuances this presents. I'm gong to have to read it several more times before I can even give you a decent comment - and I will. But I just wanted to say at the outset that it is an extraordinary composition. Thank you for sharing - and I will read it again and review it for real. mae
    | Posted on 2005-02-27 00:00:00 | by mae | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I've read it again. I noticed that my comment yesterday posted 3 times. Sheesh! Having trouble with the site yesterday. The commenter before must have been having trouble too. Oh well...on to the poem!

    I'm not sure I understand it any better now than I did yesterday - but I still like it, just the same. I loved your first stanza - don't know what it had to do with anything, but I thought it was funny.

    I think I understood the next few stanzas - it seemed to describe someone who was sitting on a rock in the water, looking at his reflection - which may or may not have been there, which made me think of a suicide or some sort of death. (I"ll bet I'm way off here - I usually am).

    I was doing all right until I came to the stanza that begins 'wakeful winds...' I have no idea, not even a notion, of what that and the next stanza mean, much less what they have to do with or what they bring to the poem. For this reader, you could leave them out and it would only be an improvement. Nope - just read them again and I just don't get what they mean or how they add anything to this poem.

    BUT EVEN SO...I really like this piece. You used beautiful words so beautifully that it was a pleasure just to read them whether I understood them or not. The phrasing was well done and the structure of the poem was intriguing as well. The mixing of the type styles made me think of speaking and thinking amid the speaking.

    This was clearly a complex poem with nuances I'll never see. Nonetheless it was an enjoyable read. Thanks. mae
    | Posted on 2005-02-28 00:00:00 | by mae | [ Reply to This ]
      This is great!

    It reminds me a lot of that role play we used to have. . . The Oath, Infinity, or whatever. You're really into ripples, aren't you? Anyway, I saw a bunch of ripples yesterday - actually hit two golfballs into the same pond - and they just kept going because the water was really still. I'd never really noticed how far they can travel, and it made me think a lot.

    I'm not really sure what you were shooting for in this poem but it was very beautiful; the rhyming was smart and original. The end was cool, because it made me think of how one smile can start a whole storm of smiles. . . like the ripple effect. . . even though I think you weren't going there. Good write, though.

    -Secret
    | Posted on 2005-01-02 00:00:00 | by secret moon | [ Reply to This ]
      It was good and I agree with all three of them it is long and kinda hard to do long poetry but I did my best to read it.

    It seemed himself yet seemed untrue
    His face, though rather fair
    Amidst the pale sky’s mirrored blue
    Something wasn’t there—

    That was my fav part because it just caught my attention out of the whole thing.
    | Posted on 2005-01-02 00:00:00 | by ForsakenAngel | [ Reply to This ]


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