Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Broken Hearted Canvasdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 799
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 695



    Description:
       OKay this is a revision of Cigarette Stains with a complete new meaning and no cigarette comparisons, instead I used myself to be canvas, and art something that I knwo about.I think I will use this more in the future, anyway tell m a what you think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBroken Hearted Canvasdots
    -------------------------------------------


    stains on your heart
    like I was ever really there
    scars embedded in your mind
    like you ever really cared

    emoty canvas like my empty heart
    it seems I am completely numb inside
    how am I to feel pain if I am not alive

    so I paint this pain
    the pain that I should feel
    and I play these games
    this heart will never heal

    my broken heart is your art
    and I paint it black and white
    old and simple and never forgotten
    this simple heart attack

    stains on your heart
    like I was ever really there
    scars embedded in your mind
    like you ever really cared




    Submitted on 2005-01-02 16:46:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Don't think it's all that bad. Better then it was before. I do think it could use a little more work but thats just me.
    Overall: good
    Peace and Harmony
    Shawn(TGA)
    | Posted on 2005-01-02 00:00:00 | by armand | [ Reply to This ]
      over all a good right, yeah; but to me the repeatation of the first stanza at last was not needed. instead i hoped something new. any that's just me.
    | Posted on 2005-01-02 00:00:00 | by shahan | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    40236

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    To written by SavedDragon
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Linger written by saartha
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    This written by Chelebel
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Song written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry