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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Broken Hearted Canvasdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 768
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 695



    Description:
       OKay this is a revision of Cigarette Stains with a complete new meaning and no cigarette comparisons, instead I used myself to be canvas, and art something that I knwo about.I think I will use this more in the future, anyway tell m a what you think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBroken Hearted Canvasdots
    -------------------------------------------


    stains on your heart
    like I was ever really there
    scars embedded in your mind
    like you ever really cared

    emoty canvas like my empty heart
    it seems I am completely numb inside
    how am I to feel pain if I am not alive

    so I paint this pain
    the pain that I should feel
    and I play these games
    this heart will never heal

    my broken heart is your art
    and I paint it black and white
    old and simple and never forgotten
    this simple heart attack

    stains on your heart
    like I was ever really there
    scars embedded in your mind
    like you ever really cared




    Submitted on 2005-01-02 16:46:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
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    ||| Comments |||
      Don't think it's all that bad. Better then it was before. I do think it could use a little more work but thats just me.
    Overall: good
    Peace and Harmony
    Shawn(TGA)
    | Posted on 2005-01-02 00:00:00 | by armand | [ Reply to This ]
      over all a good right, yeah; but to me the repeatation of the first stanza at last was not needed. instead i hoped something new. any that's just me.
    | Posted on 2005-01-02 00:00:00 | by shahan | [ Reply to This ]


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