Description: This is a "revised edition" of a poem I posted on the despicable poetry.com. I wanted to make it longer, but I'm a bit stuck. I'm hoping you'll give me some good advice.
Take It Like A Woman -------------------------------------------
These flowers are so beautiful
I suppose I'll forgive you again
I know you lose your temper...
... now and then.
The women at the potluck
Well they all wanted to know
How I got these bruises...
... but I didn't tell them, though.
This is how I function
I take it like a woman
And when I think of breaking free...
... I stifle the intention.
I am so apalled at the idea that anyone would take abuse that I will need time to compose a decent comment. Perhaps I will write a poem in reply to this. It makes me cry to think that anyone has to put up with being hurt. Lynn
Wow, very powerful piece. I dont necessarily think it needs to be longer, because it's more impressive to pack a lot of emotion behind a few words. I really like how you did the last line of each stanza with the ellipses (I think that's what those three dots are called...) In my mind that structure correlates with the poem because it seems like in those lines the woman is being submissive to the man, so I imagine her looking at the ground and speaking more quietly in each of the last lines. It might not have been your intention but that's what I got out of it. The rest of the poem is awesome too. I really liked the second stanza because it brought the abuse out into the real world, and showed how the woman handles it. Despite the incredibly sad subject matter, you wrote a great piece.
I think it says all that it needs to say. This is something. What you got here is really good and really sad. I say sad because if the women is gonna take this kind of abuse or any abuse for that matter then she is stupid. Very powerful peace you got here. Peace and Harmony Shawn
Yes, i really think this poem needs to be expanded or written in free verse to max the power of it,not that its not a good poem as is. but because of the subject matter is so serious and in this poem, the victim, just reside with "Take it like a women" This doesn't teach women how to walk away and what help is out there. I did pm you and told you I would offer my skills,because this subject matter shouldn't be taken lightly by anyone.
personally i wouldnt add nothing to it. i say this because right now it says everything and yet it leaves enough to the readers imagination... enough for them to fill in the gaps. i think its sad that you think (or reveal through this poem) that to stay in an abusive environment is 'taking it like a woman' coz yeah... you sure do gotta be strong to leave such an environment but it doesnt make you a wimp if you stay... theres always reasons for staying (most usually fear...) but yeah... while i feel like this echo's quite a lot of other writes i have read about abusive relationships i also think it is quite fresh also... perhaps its the structuring... good job
The only thing I would change is the category you've got this piece in. This is not a dark piece, despite the fact that it depicts something rather dark indeed. This would be considered a satirical piece, and I think it should be classified under Satire instead of Dark. Here's why: If you classify it as Satire, you are exposing what this phrase "take it like a woman" truly means. Satirical pieces tend to expose irony and truth in a subject, as you have done brilliantly with this piece. Dark pieces tend to just tell of a story of a dark moment or a dark subject.
So while you are telling a dark story of a dark subject, you are doing so to bring to light the irony of it all...that women are expected to do nothing when they are put "in their place" by somebody who loves them. Taking it like a woman means to just do nothing but accept the phony apologies and just take whatever he gives you, both flowers and punches, with grace and acceptance. This is a very stereotypical view shared by many in a man dominated society.
I think this was short, to the point, and said exactly what it need to say. The rhyming was excellant and I really like the whole pause thing every fourth line; that just seemed to add something for me. I just think that this is truly a satirical piece. A very well done satirical piece.
No, no, no, dont just take it like a woman! You are a person worthy of respect and not just somebody's property, to do with as they choose. This definately does not need anything added to it. You've said it all, and in such a way that there is no doubts, no hidden meanings. The one think that really bothers me, is that you feel you deserve this. You don't. You dont have to function this way. Get out quick, theres plenty of help out there.
I wrote a poem in inspiration to this one. It is called Tragic Lady. Edthepoet wrote one after mine called Making of a Wife Beater. Please read these. Love, Lynn
you could go into your next stanza with an explanation of how the speaker avoids the situation a little more, give examples like the classic wearing of longer sleaves to hide the arms, make up to hide the face, or maybe staying indoors to avoid the prying eyes of those who may ask questions, you should pick a type of ending shocker "here it comes again", sad "my love for a man is kiling me", questioning "why does he do it if he loves me", you should make a list of all the things you would like to incorporate into your poem and try making a staza for each topic, this painted a almost tragic picture immediately, nice work for 3 stanzas
Great piece of work. I personally liked the ending. It just... I dunno, fits. Maybe you should leave the ending, but add more stanza's in between? Eh, do whatever you want. I think it's just fine the way it is.
Submission Name: Take It Like A Woman
