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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: theman
    ASL Info:    21/m/mn
    Elite Ratio:    3.52 - 496/478/149
    Words: 96
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Misc
    Total Views: 638
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 677



    Description:
       Rough draft just want to know what poeple think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Dear Goverment,
    While we are over sea's
    can't u see
    where never going to be free
    We are always paying a fee.

    One man said
    "money makes the world go around"
    It's not true
    "poeple make money go around"

    sick of the word tax
    it's a fact
    all it is
    is a scam.
    "can't u see
    where never going to be free"

    Why can't we leave iraq
    can't you see
    were just getting wacked.
    It's proven fact .
    "can't u see
    where never going to be free"




    Submitted on 2005-01-03 10:28:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like your intent, but the whole thing just doesn't flow very well. It seems like you might have overworked it... thought about it too much. Just a little awkward, ya know? Your spelling could use some more attention as well.

    Overall, it's not too bad, but it could use a little more time. Just let it flow.
    | Posted on 2005-01-03 00:00:00 | by Ningi | [ Reply to This ]


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