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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Puzzle of lifedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Dana
    ASL Info:    23/F/Dreamland
    Elite Ratio:    3.98 - 79/87/26
    Words: 128
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1087
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 819



    Description:
       It's more or less about cognition process of myself...and seeking the meaning of life.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPuzzle of lifedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I want to hide from everyone and everything
    Trying to escape reality, trying to find myself
    Iím lost in a jungle of my mind, thatís what I think
    Iím wandering around the world to find an elf
    This imaginary friend who could give me a hand

    Begging for help, seeking for answers
    So distracted in obscurity, so lost in insecurity
    Groping after the truth, moving from city to city
    Finding none and nothing in this fucking reality
    In this dark, puzzled world of confusion

    Still loosing a heart, drowning in fuss
    Playing the game of fate, which is pitch-and-toss
    Longing for the truth, clarity and solution
    Craving for someone who could help me out
    To guess a puzzle of life

    © by DANA 2004




    Submitted on 2005-01-03 16:26:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is a good write for many reasons...such as the easiness to relate to it, i think almost everyone has felt like this at least once in their lives and the creativeness of your wording...the only thing i would suggest you change is the line:
    'Iím wandering around the world to find an elf'
    Something in this line just makes it seem awkward, like it doesn't fit in with the rest, of course i guess that could have beent he intention all along...(ignore the rambling)...i especially enjoyed the last stanza and the way i could feel emotion throughout the entire work...great job, keep it up
    | Posted on 2005-01-15 00:00:00 | by morte | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, that was really really interesting! I really can't remember if I read any of your posts before but I guess I didn't, but anyway after reading this one I think I'll look for your posts and read more from your poems!

    This was a very good poem, it is very well written and the subject or the idea of the poem is very well presented too, also the words are very well chosen and totally suits the atmosphere of the poem and convenient to the way the poem was written EXCEPT in the fourth line in the second stanza "Finding none and nothing in this [censored] reality", I really couldn't find the reason for using the word "[censored]"! I mean it is not useful to the poem in anyway and I also thinks it took some of the beauty of the poem (im my point of view)!

    I really liked the way you started your poem

    "I want to hide from everyone and everything
    Trying to escape reality, trying to find myself"

    And also the way you ended it (the finale) by saying

    "Playing the game of fate, which is pitch-and-toss
    Longing for the truth, clarity and solution
    Craving for someone who could help me out
    To guess a puzzle of life"

    Those were very powerful and emotional words indeed.

    I also wanted to point to you a small spelling mistake inthe first line in the last stanza
    "Still loosing a heart, drowning in fuss" and it should be "Still losing a heart, drowning in fuss", one "o" instead of two.

    I also liked the part that says

    "Begging for help, seeking for answers
    So distracted in obscurity, so lost in insecurity", very smart usage of words in that part it really captures the attention of the reader (it captured mine).

    Anyway I hope that my comment was somehow helpful to you and I will end my comment by saying Good job and keep it up.
    | Posted on 2005-01-29 00:00:00 | by Yousef | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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