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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Field of Soulsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: TDALBH
    Elite Ratio:    4.82 - 63/57/15
    Words: 97
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 831
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 598



    Description:
       *crys*


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsField of Soulsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A Field of empty graves
    Each one of them
    I feel is for another piece of me

    A Field of dead children
    Each one I feel was mine
    A little piece of my soul reborn

    A Field of empty promises
    Ready to remind me
    Of old faults Ive fallen to

    A Field of dead and lonely
    Made ready to reclaim me
    As a child of the Lost

    A Field of empty faces
    Each a tribute to our souls
    Another tear unshed

    A Field of dieing Roses
    Each another soul
    Another cry unheard




    Submitted on 2005-01-03 21:21:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      sorry, I forgot to title that, well, for a little fun, why dont you try to title it? I guess I wasnt paying enough attention, I wont do that agian. This minimal word thing is bothersome, can I stop typing yet?
    | Posted on 2005-01-03 00:00:00 | by TDALBH | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this ... a lot... very moody.. i like a lot of your work... it shows your emotions, brings the "real you" out... but that's just the one side to your many sides. but it's touching... my title is field of souls... it's a wonderful poem.. hope you post a lot more... my favorite part is:
    A Field of dead children
    Each one I feel was mine
    A little piece of my soul reborn...
    that's it for now
    bye... keep posting them...
    | Posted on 2005-01-03 00:00:00 | by darkwisdom623 | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the way you were able to directly express emotion in this piece. I especially liked this part,
    A Field of empty promises
    Ready to remind me
    Of old faults Ive fallen to
    I think you could improve the poem by trying to make it flow a little better. It seems choppy to me in places. Deleting unnecessary small words like for and of might help. Overall I really liked it. Great job. I hope my attempt at criticism helps a little. It is, as always, only my humble opinion. Oh, P.s., I think there is a typo in line two. I think on should be one right? tehe ~Fae
    | Posted on 2005-01-03 00:00:00 | by folletti | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the way this poem conveys a certain dark oppressive imagery over the reader. You can almost see the sadness of it dripping from the words. It is saturated in it.

    On another note I felt that the "A field of" at the beginning of each and every stanza without fail got very repetitive.

    I think you should try to find a way to take that out of a few stanza's to break up the monotony. If you could do that and maintain the integrity of the piece I think it would improve the poem.


    hope this advice helps,

    peace,
    mister fizzle
    | Posted on 2005-01-04 00:00:00 | by Mister Fizzle | [ Reply to This ]
      Where to start? I like this piece.

    A Field of empty graves
    Each one of them
    I feel is for another piece of me

    I feel like a spirit flying over an expanse of lost memory when I read this. It brings me back in time to a place where time never was. I am visiting a place where mind and spirit rule and I am a stranger but I feel welcome. This sounds strange I know, just bear with me. I like your opening. It hooked me quick. good job.

    A Field of dead children
    Each one I feel was mine
    A little piece of my soul reborn
    Universal feeling of maternal love here. Lost childhood and lost innocence, a purgatory of youthful emotion. But with a life underneath the surface, waving and begging for salvation.

    Field of empty promises
    Ready to remind me
    Of old faults Ive fallen to


    Timelessness is a virtue. You have a gift for this.

    Field of dead and lonely
    Made ready to reclaim me
    As a child of the Lost
    Saving yourself your own soul here, redeeming your lost childhood. Soft love.

    A Field of empty faces
    Each a tribute to our souls
    Another tear unshed
    Fear and strength standing together.

    Field of dieing Roses
    Each another soul
    Another cry unheard
    Field of dying roses, beauty dwindling but still present. Great work. Ressurecting the souls and the graveyard imagery. Keeping me interested and keeping up with yourself and your own feeling, and the original path of your poem.

    All in all. Great piece. I am fully pleased, as I'm sure you are with it. Superb writing.

    thank you. -sinmore
    | Posted on 2005-01-07 00:00:00 | by sinmore | [ Reply to This ]
      Where to start? I like this piece.

    A Field of empty graves
    Each one of them
    I feel is for another piece of me

    I feel like a spirit flying over an expanse of lost memory when I read this. It brings me back in time to a place where time never was. I am visiting a place where mind and spirit rule and I am a stranger but I feel welcome. This sounds strange I know, just bear with me. I like your opening. It hooked me quick. good job.

    A Field of dead children
    Each one I feel was mine
    A little piece of my soul reborn
    Universal feeling of maternal love here. Lost childhood and lost innocence, a purgatory of youthful emotion. But with a life underneath the surface, waving and begging for salvation.

    Field of empty promises
    Ready to remind me
    Of old faults Ive fallen to


    Timelessness is a virtue. You have a gift for this.

    Field of dead and lonely
    Made ready to reclaim me
    As a child of the Lost
    Saving yourself your own soul here, redeeming your lost childhood. Soft love.

    A Field of empty faces
    Each a tribute to our souls
    Another tear unshed
    Fear and strength standing together.

    Field of dieing Roses
    Each another soul
    Another cry unheard
    Field of dying roses, beauty dwindling but still present. Great work. Ressurecting the souls and the graveyard imagery. Keeping me interested and keeping up with yourself and your own feeling, and the original path of your poem.

    All in all. Great piece. I am fully pleased, as I'm sure you are with it. Superb writing.

    thank you. -sinmore
    | Posted on 2005-01-07 00:00:00 | by sinmore | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    3. How did it make you feel?
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    12. Does it feel original?



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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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