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    dots Submission Name: Invisible Lonliness (simultan)dots

    Author: BuryThisLie
    ASL Info:    18/Male/Virginia...
    Elite Ratio:    4.77 - 17/22/5
    Words: 99
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 842
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 672

       For those who dont know what a simultaneous poem is... it's a poem... that has an added quote or lines from alternate poetry that give the work a more... complete feel... when i heard the poem on Identity about the man and the stairs... it fit almost perfectly into the idea... If anyone has any views about it i'd greatly appreciate it... (Just so we're clear the poem from identity... is the 4 one line sets that are all by themselves...)

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInvisible Lonliness (simultan)dots

    Once upon an invisible dream
    my invisible house devoid of sight

    When I was going up the stairs

    Pained silence in the empty hall
    Creeping silently not a single sound
    Seconds pass and nothing near

    I met a man who wasn't there

    Seconds turn to minutes
    minutes to hours
    Lonliness a vicious crime
    No one near, nothing to hear

    He wasn't there again today

    I hate the day
    I hate the night
    I hate enduring pain
    Why is no one here...
    except my personified lonliness

    I wish, I wish he'd go away

    Submitted on 2005-01-03 21:45:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Wow, this is such a lonely poem and so powerful. I really like it, maybe my favorite of your so far.I am continueing down your list now.

    | Posted on 2005-01-24 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      quite a painful poem and very descriptive and your imaging and picturing is very well done , never stop writing my friend but also know that your tiime will come and your heart will dance in its time
    | Posted on 2005-01-04 00:00:00 | by Tarek Refaat | [ Reply to This ]
      That's very original..I like it a lot , Justin. It's sad but..I'm excited about it .. lol So many of the lines stick out to me.

    -Once upon an invisible dream-
    Seconds turn to minutes
    minutes to hours
    Lonliness a vicious crime
    No one near, nothing to hear-

    Your a great writer because you push the envelope a bit. I'd like to see what makes it into your portfollio.
    | Posted on 2005-01-07 00:00:00 | by DreamInColour07 | [ Reply to This ]

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