intrigueing how
you seem to
capture the dreams
of fallen angels
with a scornful glance
through soulless eyes
confining their hurt
in your wistful smile
This, to me, captured the entire feeling of your poem in two short and simple sentences. I always find it difficult to write about a betrayal when it was personal, and if this was, then you are fantastic in my eyes.
It is a short poem, but somehow it reaches deeper than most long, draw out poetry under the same category. I applaud your effort.
you spelled "Intriguing" wrong. Your poem does an average job of reflecting your description, the only hint I had that it was about deception was "whistful smile." I know from experience that whistful smiles usually mean a brushing off or a careless nature, but you need to convey your message a little better.
I love how you say so much in so few words. I can only do that sometimes. and often only after I have chopped something longer down. this is very reminiscent of some jerks I've known. and hope to not know again. great poem.
I'm catching up on your work. I've been a slacker lately, so I'm remedying that now. Since our writings is so similar, and you've always been so nice to me, I feel a kinship with you (a sisterhood of minimalism or something).
intrigueing how you seem to capture the dreams of fallen angels with a scornful glance
That gives me an odd image of smiling devils (Well, the devil is the prototype of all fallen angels). You have a typo in intriguing though.
through soulless eyes confining their hurt in your wistful smile
That gives me another interesting image too. I can see that pained, sad smile.
The intro is well taken too. I think we've all done that at one time or another.
Here's a big hug to help you understand that love is the most powerful energy known to mankind, yes it will makes us want to cross the line of our personal moral lines, You are not alone, this room is quite crowd,hence we are are human.
In this poem you really feel your wantonness coming through, fighting the wall of regret in tow ways, one because you still have hope,yet you feel guilty about it, mixed with the beautiful awesome power of love that can't be deny.
I always think of fallen angels as sad not really scornful. I think that they realize what they have lost and mourn for this eternally. Perhaps they are too prideful to ask forgiveness. I have een forgiven so many times by so many people. We all have the two sides of us that war. It is, as Ed says, what makes us human. Wonderful write. Lynn
God I cannot tell you how many people I confided in that in the end I found out I could not trust. It is life and it sucks, but you have to learn that what does not kill you makes you stronger in life. Screw those horrible jerks that were fake and who ended up being horrible friends in the end, they will get theirs one day. Powerful yet simple poem...GREAT JOb! *Amanda*
Is it not irresistible, at times, to take risks? Much like trusting others in which you have pre-established to be untrustworthy! An abrupt piece with much added dimension. Despite the unfamiliar physical structure of your piece, I very much felt a unique stream of flow and rhyme. You have attended to particular detail, allowing for your audience to clearly define your perfect brush strokes –consisting of imagery riddled words. As you have thoroughly demonstrated unto us, a valid point, indeed! -Through the fairest of physical beauties, sleeps a very tangible ugliness- You have sustained my interest throughout the entirety of the piece, and thus I award you with my praise and favoritism. -Romanticist
Searing portrait, really well done. We can only imagine the actions of those with hungry noses, maybe the martrydom, maybe to use against, or maybe not minding one's own business. Sadly many women, (yup it's us ladies) talk everywhere they can, when the only reason to do so is to elicit support because you are genuinely concerned. You've even described the different kinds of indiscrete people, the rescuer, is one I desteste, noticing talent and in the guise of friendship deploying a parasitical position to live off the fallen one's energy.Befriending to gain info and spread it is another. Pardon my rant, but this subject is to women as ego is to men. Very interesting topic and the last four lines are phenomenal. A great write, and thanks for sharing. peace, nansofast
Submission Name: Innocence
