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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Cancer of the Heartdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: riverseo
    ASL Info:    18/Male/Belfast
    Elite Ratio:    4.17 - 24/34/13
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 885
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 711



    Description:
       This is just a poem i wrote, im not feeling great at the moment, my heart is worried sick that the girl i love isn't in love with me anymore, when she has said i will always love you, its making my stomach somersault, the whole thing is i could be worried about nothing, but how do you ask someone do you still love me? without coming across as the usual paranoid guy...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCancer of the Heartdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Mutinous cells express their anguish
    As each one slashes at my mind,
    I have tried long and hard to make it vanish
    But it refuses to leave me behind.

    It happened the first time I laid eyes on you
    And the dull pain grows
    Yet you never had a clue
    How I tried to love you through prose.

    Now I lie in my white bed
    Quietly considering the oncoming haze
    Which muffles the echoes of love in my head
    As they open my chest in hellfire’s blaze.

    Now all I have is a leaden lump
    My feeble life has played its part
    As much as the life support machine’s pump
    That’s the cancer of my heart.




    Submitted on 2005-01-04 15:11:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I dont think you can get anymore powerful than this poem. I think that when you love someone so much you often are afraid that it could one day fade away. Is there inclinations that she is not in love with you anymore. Clues, hints, anything? Love is a tangled up emotional roller coaster 24/7/365. We all get a little paranoid sometimes, but maybe you do have a rigth to be afraid. I dont know I am not her or you. If you would like to talk about it you can PM me. Good luck with it all. Beautiful work!
    *Amanda*
    | Posted on 2005-01-04 00:00:00 | by fortressofwords | [ Reply to This ]
      All I can think to say to you inregards to this piece is Let fate take its course. You and I know that if you out right ask her if she still loves you that will make problems. What you should do in my opinion is try and think of anything that drew her to you in the beginning, subtle reminders of why she loves you. Just forgo the fears and continue loving her with all of your heart, yes you may get hurt, but you will be stronger in the end. Love makes things hazy and hard to understand, but you know you love her, so just keep on showing that.I Hope in my heart of hearts that things work out for you.-John
    | Posted on 2005-01-04 00:00:00 | by Mithrandir | [ Reply to This ]
      It is hard when your heart tells you something that your mind does not want to understand. How do you ask if the one you love still loves you? You simply ask sweety, if she truely loves you she will understand that you need to be reassured that you are still the most important person in her life. Love is a give and take relationship. It is not an every day 50/50... somedays you give 80 and she gives 20... then other days you give 20 and she gives 80. There is no perfect relationship that stands through forever without a doubt run through their head. Nor is there a relationship that is always a 50/50... everone has bad weeks or months... in my case right now... years, but the point is that if there is love then it will stand though any storm and you and she will hold hands and pull each other though. Your poem was beautiful and powerful. You have a different type of talent that pulls a reader thoughout your poem. Almost forceing them to see your point. You write with so much of your heart and it shows in your depth. Great job and good luck!
    Dana
    | Posted on 2005-01-04 00:00:00 | by raptures | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi, I don't go out of my way to comment on poems by the lovelorn. "Nothing can recapture that first fine careless rapture" and nothing can recall the pain and anguish of it all. Most of us have been there and when you are there it seems intolerable, but feelings do change and life does go on and if one relationship doesn't work out, another will. For me, I can only comemnt on your poetry and say that your emotions are providing you with a lot of poetic energy which you are capitalizing on. There is good imagery here and good use of rhythm. The emotion is providing a raw edge, but it is also providing power. Harness the emotion and the power and you will become a fine poet.
    | Posted on 2005-01-04 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]


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