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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Actordots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: riverseo
    ASL Info:    18/Male/Belfast
    Elite Ratio:    4.17 - 24/34/13
    Words: 363
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 859
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2363



    Description:
       This is how i used to consider myself i think an actor on life's stage, never really being myself, now im a bit more me, but at times i can easily return to the act...enjoy..


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Actordots
    -------------------------------------------


    *Host*

    Good evening ladies and gentlemen
    You are about to witness
    A remarkable sight from a most gifted actor
    Who gives a wondrous, virtuoso performance
    Of a little known play called Life.
    My dear friends I sincerely hope you enjoy it.

    *Curtains Open*

    Purple velvet pulls aside to thunderous applause
    The actor now stands before them
    Graciously accepting their drooling smiles
    At every one of his utterances.

    His plastic expressions are his weapon of choice
    Presenting an empty vessel for all to see
    The audience know so little about
    What goes on beyond what will be his death mask.

    Playing a cameo act in your own life
    Is so easy an actor finds
    He struts and bellows in his assorted costumes,
    So many styles he has to choose from
    But he can never find his own
    The only role left for him is
    The battered old cripple forgotten
    In the memoirs of the theatre.

    How little do the audience know
    How close to Macbeth he has become
    A flawed character, not ambitious enough
    ĎToo full of the milk of human kindnessí
    Too succeed in an insane world.

    We all know how Macbeth ended
    His devils let loose to torment his soul
    Devils his lady could not control.
    The king is dead.

    A role this actor has played too often
    His life lost in the mix of so
    Many contradicting parts, good and bad
    Embattle a weary mind.

    Daily existence is his job
    Bored with the performance
    But trapped in a box of his own making
    Compacting his soul away for storage
    Maybe to use as the occasional prop,
    Wheeled out for all too brief scenes.

    No intervals for brief flourishes of love
    No break for fun and games
    No love for being him.

    The actor bows one last time
    Taking in the calls of bravo
    As he heads towards his lonely room.

    *Curtains close as Host returns*

    My dear fellows Iím sure
    You will quite agree
    That was a marvellous show.



    They leave and no one
    Hears the weeping in the dark.




    Submitted on 2005-01-04 15:14:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hi. First just a quick typo for you to correct I'm sure. This verse:

    A role this actor has played too often
    His life lost in the mix of so
    Many contradicting parts, good and bad
    Embattle a weary mind.

    does not make sense with the punctuation as it stands. What is the subject of "embattle"?

    I like the overall conceit (used in the Jacobean poetical sense of course!) of the theatre. It works well and gives good structural unity to your poem and allows a procession of related points to be made in thematically linked imagery.

    This verse:

    Daily existence is his job
    Bored with the performance
    But trapped in a box of his own making
    Compacting his soul away for storage
    Maybe to use as the occasional prop,
    Wheeled out for all too brief scenes.

    once again I feel needs a wee tweak to the punctuation and/or grammar. Might I suggest a full stop after "job" , a comma after "performance" and the 4th line changed to "He compacts his soul away for storage,".

    This is a fine poem and deserves careful attention to those essential trivia of punctuation and grammatical agreement that lubricate the reader's access to the sense.

    Sometimes some poets have a tendency to overuse present participles when finite verbs would give a more "masculine" feel to the verse.
    | Posted on 2005-01-04 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
      So wonderful! I love this write! It had such a sweet sorrow and beauty to it. I can not find much wrong with the over all poem just a few corrections and typos. But other than that...wow! I have to agree with Hanuman on his points and add just a bit more.
    1)" His plastic expressions are his weapon of choice."
    His plastic expressions are his weapons of choice

    I feel the added " s" to weapon is nessary because an actor uses more than one expression as you stated with the " s" on expression and the meaning would have to be one than one weapon.
    2) " How little do the audiance know"
    How little does the audiance knows

    I am not sure if that even sounds right but that line needs a little more work on the wording.

    Thats about it... your poem is powerful and beautiful other than some boring typos it is perfect! I also loved the different layout you used. It is fresh and airy.
    Dana
    | Posted on 2005-01-04 00:00:00 | by raptures | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm really liking this but...i think the use of actor and he ...are drawing away from the concept of the piece...i understand that its a comparision to you so its a personal type write but if you want it to feel and come off more like hes performing...i'd drop some of the hes and actor ...but besides that i really enjoyed this...i got a great image in my head...purps
    | Posted on 2005-01-05 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]


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