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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Underneath The Mistletoedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Paconess1006
    ASL Info:    16/M/Charlotte, NC
    Elite Ratio:    3.11 - 99/126/46
    Words: 203
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 306
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1467



    Description:
       Its abit late, but its all gravy, right? Just tell me what you think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUnderneath The Mistletoedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Standing upright,
    underneath the mistletoe,
    leaning under the dim yellow light;
    with the time passing by so slow, still
    Looking for that someone to call you,
    underneath the mistletoe,
    yearning inside your murky blue
    smiling impressions from you do glow.
    It shines true from your persona,
    underneath the mistletoe,
    inside your light periwinkle aura,
    a little girl waits for her Prince Charming flu.

    Sitting next to you,
    underneath the mistletoe,
    I'd turn and stare into the brown eyes of you
    and see which way your hair would go.
    Not believing that no one yet has approached,
    underneath the mistletoe,
    your angelic beauty bathed in bright white lights
    the things about you, I still don't know.
    Facing in front ,
    underneath the mistletoe,
    coming to a halt in front of your peachy lips
    stopping, coming to grips.

    In tandem poses with you,
    underneath the mistletoe,
    we hug, and I feel that pink fuzzy feeling
    wanting to stop, at the same time to go.
    Wishing indefinitely,
    underneath the mistletoe,
    bathed in the scent of its green hominy
    joined together the touch that I know.
    What could've happened,
    underneath the mistletoe,
    only in the translucent hum of dreams;
    shall we never know.




    Submitted on 2005-01-04 21:43:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think you've done a bit of overkill with the refrain. Consider paring it down to just twice per stanza, or even once. It becomes a distractor from the rest of the poem instead of an enhancment as it is.
    There were a few of the descriptions that I found unique and so had to ponder why you chose them. The first is the perriwinkle aura. Allthough it goes will with the color theme of the first stanza, I had to stop and ponder it's significance. The other is the smell of green hominy. I've never associated the scent of mistletoe with hominy much less green hominy. What does that smell like?

    I'm glad I got to read a bit of a Christmas wish poem since I was too busy with family to be on over the holidays. Hope ypur had a good one.
    jan
    | Posted on 2005-01-04 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm,did you actually kiss her or not? :)


    *and see which way your hair would go*

    - This was a cute line. :) The phrase is fresh,not frequently used in poems,so it's nice.
    | Posted on 2005-01-05 00:00:00 | by Maverique | [ Reply to This ]
      this is cute. but yeah i am left wondering if you did kiss or not? the waiting game while standing under is always sucks because you don't want the wrong person to use this power to kiss you. i have had that happen and it was so not cool. but i like this one hun, it's so cute and real***
    | Posted on 2005-01-05 00:00:00 | by _winky_ | [ Reply to This ]



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