A Blink in time
And then you were gone
Drifting in the polluted scents of yesterday
Distorted by the rotation of the lens
Until the essence of you
Has morphed into a dream
Plucked from reality
By the gnarled fingers of Psyche
The artist
Never satisfied with the form of Cupid
searching for perfection
In sticky earth
Unable to throw it into the fire
To be hardened to its fate
Where it becomes a fragile thing of beauty
Until a slip of the hand
In a blink of time
and you are gone.
I'm going to have to sit on this for a little bit more before I know what I really want to say, but in the meantime: I agree with Kristina; the punctuation changes threw me off. Is there any particular reason why "Blink" is capitalized? Also, "the gnarled fingers of Psyche" is just great. That image is the main reason I want to read this a few more times.
From what I got from this piece ( which I found to be an excellent write by the way ;) is that no matter what happens while we're awake, things can be twisted and turned in dreams and made into something else. Also, that the mind can play tricks on us, and we play into its hands so easily.
I loved this write. Great job, as I'm not surprised. ;)
This poem is one of those, think-or-you-wont-get-it type of pieces. If you dont pay attention, with the blink of an eye, the whole concept will zoom past you. Luckily i caught it, because mostly it caught my eye. It has a powerful message, I really like this one especially your use of expressive vocabulary. Few people can use "big"words and make them sound poetic.
yeah I know. this is how I feel many times. maybe I try too hard, but I am not the only one. I 've been struggling too much that I am now at the point of just giving up.It's like I'll never be what I want to be.
This is written in such an intriguing way that I've been sitting here wrapping my mind around it for a solid fifteen. It's different from what I've read by you.
Upon first read, I noticed that all of the lines were capitolized, with the exception of L11, "searching for perfection". Was this intentional? The lack of punctuation, in most lines, lends the mind to wrap each thought into the next, e.g.:
polluted scents of yesterday yesterday distorted by
morphed into a dream a dream plucked from reality
with the form of cupid of cupid searching for perfection
Only some line ends could be line starts for the next, but it was just so much fun to read it this way.
Anyway, jan, this was an excellent write and I enjoyed it immensely; and for about 20 minutes now...LOL
I like how you repeated the first to lines at the end... "Drifting in the polluted scents of yesterday" - I love that! :) You capture the beauty of a moment really well: how it forms into a memory. Great poem! "In a blink of time/you are gone" - nice! :o)
I had to think hard about the meaning behind this one and still never turned up anything precise. I guess I just got a sort of mystical, fantasy-land feeling from it and that lead me to ponder the details rather than consider it's purpose. If the author could sometime explain the intentions behind it to me, I would very much like to know of it from her mouth. It's very artistic.
It is amazing the way that our perceptions or even memories of people can change after they have gone...the death of young celebreties highlights this...idolising them and seeing them only as good..or some people who are not even famous until they have gone...
anyways i know what i mean lol... i really like all of this and dont have any suggestions...but i would have to say that the strongest part of this piece for me is the opening:
A Blink in time And then you were gone Drifting in the polluted scents of yesterday Distorted by the rotation of the lense Until the essence of you Has morphed into a dream
Submission Name: Morphing Memories
"In a blink of time/you are gone" - nice! :o)