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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Old Grey Shirtdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DreamInColour07
    Elite Ratio:    2.91 - 30/33/15
    Words: 242
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 254
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1389



    Description:
       This is something I wrote one night after getting a weird phone call from an ex boyfriend..and after cleaning out my close one night and finding an old shirt of mine that was my favorite in 7th grade..and I didnt have the heart to throw it away. It made me wonder if thats how he thought of me. I still have some editing to do to it for my Teacher.. but let me know what you guys think before I do that.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOld Grey Shirtdots
    -------------------------------------------



    All I am and all I can be to you is what you allow
    You don’t allow me to love you any more
    The shirt that was once all you ever needed.
    Your favorite thing to pull out of your closet
    And slip on in the brisk fall morning.

    Do you remember when you bought it?
    And now it is tucked away in the drawer
    Faded star.
    Washed out.
    Lost.
    .Unnoticed

    That’s all I am to you
    An old favorite
    Stored away just so you can recall a past time and every thing you once wanted
    Because you’re not the same person any more
    Can’t you see that?

    You leave me like the shirt
    Stretched and worn out
    Tired of all these games,
    Tired of guessing,
    Tired of questioning

    What you are and what you have become leave me baffled
    I can’t get to you
    I can’t make you understand.
    I can’t make you change to make you see everything that has changed


    You always call me when you’re high
    And confess how you feel
    And swear up and down we’ll be together again, One day.
    And I know you want to care I can see deep down to the true you.
    Just close your eyes and pretend


    I never wanted to stop pretending <<with you. >>




    Submitted on 2005-01-05 18:58:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      wow...I think it is good. I like the whole Old T-shirt thing. I never thought of things like that before. Now that I do...I think a lot of people think of me like an old t-shirt. newho. It's really good. I didn't see any mistakes and there isn't anything confusing it's straight forward without being straight forward...ithink... ...well I really do like it!
    | Posted on 2005-01-05 00:00:00 | by MyKemicalfailur | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked the comparison between the two. If you can think of a way to shorten the longer lines, you might want to - you know she'll say something, lol. This makes me think of someone I once knew. You wrote a great personal piece without it being overwhelmed with personal details allowing it to be relateable to all. You're such a good writer, keep up the great work
    | Posted on 2005-01-07 00:00:00 | by painofthanatos | [ Reply to This ]
      Thanks for the feed back you guys :-)

    Courtney , your right She did ask A LOT of questions about it and she wants me to elborated on what changed..blah lol

    and she just told me she liked it though hmm weird.
    | Posted on 2005-01-07 00:00:00 | by DreamInColour07 | [ Reply to This ]
      hey ashley
    thanks for my comment :) i thought that yours was really good and i can relate in just about every line. i love how you used the grey [censored] to symbolize how he's left you feeling. the last line is my favorite
    [[I never wanted to stop pretending <<with you. >>]]
    dont worry though, none of them are worth it. good job :)
    sophie
    | Posted on 2005-01-10 00:00:00 | by sudie | [ Reply to This ]



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