Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Blood Stained Carpet

Author: MyKemicalfailur
Elite Ratio:    4.15 - 267 /123 /15
Words: 117
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1404
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 731


Yes, I know, more cutting and blood! the next one I submit will have not cutting or blood in it!!!! I only have old ones to post but after the next one I think I may try and write a new one.....I've just lost all inspiration...

Blood Stained Carpet

With a flick of the wrist
A slight twitch of the blade
The blood pores out
Look at the mess I've made

Call me a freak
Push me out the door
With this one slight movement
I'll be your punching bag no more

With this abrupt end of life
You'll feel a sharp pain in your chest
Seeing the blood your thinking
Who will clean up this mess

I know you never cared
I know you never will
But that my friend
Is because your heart is ill

You will forever be punished
May you always remeber the day I died
For your feelings of contentment
Will soon subside

Submitted on 2005-01-05 19:08:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  I can't really critique this because it's so relatable for me, yet somehow it doesn't give me the impression that you are a cutter, but I digress. Not bad.
| Posted on 2006-01-17 00:00:00 | by Lady Ankou | [ Reply to This ]
  haha wow, very insightful to the world of cutting. every line made me imagine myself committing the act. although i would never do so. good work

- kase
| Posted on 2005-12-23 00:00:00 | by kase | [ Reply to This ]
  whoa, talk about mental picture. It kind of brings back memories for me. I wish things like this never happened to anyone, but what can you do? Of course when the pain subsides, something else comes along and stabs you in the back. Nice repetitive process. I love how your so descriptive, saying everything that's in your mind. And I think that it's good to write about this kind of stuff. It gets it out of your head and out of your heart, so it helps to relieve the pain. Things do get better, I promise.
| Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by shmuzzelle | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow talk about seeing my past. This is what I felt when I was younger, Like in order to feel anything I need to self inflict pain but I am stronger now. I really like this poem
| Posted on 2005-01-18 00:00:00 | by ladyravnos316 | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, I believe that it was very powerful It reminds me of a lot my friends and people I know. I like how I can tell it is was you felt and it all came very easily. It was worth my time reading and I'm excited to see what else you have.
| Posted on 2005-01-13 00:00:00 | by Sail4life310 | [ Reply to This ]
  This is okay... uhh... I believe 'pores' in the first stanza should be 'pours'... but yeah. Normally either a poem rhymes and rhymes well, or rhymes in certain places just randomly, or doesn't rhyme at all... but that's just what normally occurs here... I have not yet seen a poem like yours that... well... doesn't rhyme well. I'd consider revising it... just adding or taking away certain words until it sounds easier to say when spoken out loud... and all that good stuff... but that's just my opinion... don't matter to me whatcha do... so yeah... laters...
| Posted on 2005-01-05 00:00:00 | by poetofthenight | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow... this is horribly reminiscant of that cliché "you'll be sorry when I'm gone..." suicide threat - but I mean that in a good way. It's a really powerful poem, very descriptive without being incredibly wordy. Very unsettling, but I enjoyed it.
| Posted on 2005-01-05 00:00:00 | by Ruby Tuesday | [ Reply to This ]
  it spoke well for itself... not exactly too well... but still worth the read. definately. i've had encounters with suicide aswell... it is after all... no matter how the public tries to put a blanket over it... a choice. a- go on. b- be idle c-end it yourself. it's not that i advocate it... it's just that... life often throws something that is too heavy to catch. and writting about death eases the pain. every little bit helps.

good job.
| Posted on 2005-01-08 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
  This one was a good read but you could figure out the ending from the start. I like your rhyme scheme tho. I will look for more of your writing it reminds me of mine. :)
| Posted on 2005-01-08 00:00:00 | by RedRoseofBlood | [ Reply to This ]
  I understand part of the poem. I remember how it felt...I use to feel that the only way to get away from the horrible pain was to self inflict it physically...not that it got really bad ....but... that's way off subject. There's so much more to life... and I have grown much since then...but death is not the answer, that's for sure.

God bless,
| Posted on 2006-07-13 00:00:00 | by Raindrops | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?