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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Raindots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: riverseo
    ASL Info:    18/Male/Belfast
    Elite Ratio:    4.17 - 24/34/13
    Words: 95
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 891
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 665



    Description:
       Ahh if anyone knows the song Fall at Your Feet by Crowded House...it was my inspiration for this poem..one of the lines is, let your tears rain down on me..ahh i sang that song to her now i feel pretty abandoned...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRaindots
    -------------------------------------------


    Thoughtful tears trickle down the glass
    Gazing out with a lonely stare
    Crystal drops patter in empty hearts,
    Where are you?
    That fleeting moment passes
    Drawn away by the continued sorrow
    Creating waterfalls off every leaf,
    But having no one to share the sight with
    My wandering heart ponders, while
    Another drop meets another, melding together
    Like two young lovers,
    Two young lovers together for eternity
    Forming a sacred bond
    Falling endlessly into the arms of the other
    Till they meet the great ocean of life,
    The puddle at the bottom of the gutter.




    Submitted on 2005-01-05 19:43:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      your ending is so dirty! mmmm enjoyable
    i'm sure the poem has great meaning to you, but it is sort of typical. which is okay, that means you're normal :)
    cheer up!
    | Posted on 2005-01-05 00:00:00 | by osweetrepose | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, this was a pretty good piece. It opened up my mind a lto because ever since my break-up with my boyfriend, and then getting back together I've always felt that we've never quite made it out of the "gutter" entirely. Things change on occasion and sometimes we have good days and sometimes bad but life goes on and the pattern continues.

    So my words are, consider yourself lucky thag you fell into the gutter and drowned because I;m stuck fighting for my life when sometimes I dont even want to.

    Beautiful piece though, it goes on my favourites.

    --Kayla
    | Posted on 2005-01-05 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]
      Well we've had tears like raindrops for yonks, so rain like teardrops shouldn't surprise us. What does surprise us of course is your shift of direction in the last line, but I'm not sure that I like the surprise. I was mentally steeling myself for "just another soppy lovesong" and grudgingly having to admit, that as such poems go, your was quite good, but then you hit me with the cynical; sucker punch at the end. If you never meant any of the rest, then this was well done and you set us up well before knocking us down. BUT if the rest of the poem was a sincere expression of love, then I don't think you should break the mood.
    | Posted on 2005-01-05 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok the last line thing is just a bringing back to reality...the rest of the poem is what im thinking looking out the window at the rain, the last line is just the coming out of that thought process and remembering where i am and what i am actually looking at is just rain, the rest of teh poem is therefore heartfelt...and the last line is meant as well...
    | Posted on 2005-01-06 00:00:00 | by riverseo | [ Reply to This ]
      Ooh, interesting poem! I really liked it. . . normally I just pass up on poems that aren't broken into stanzas but this was really pretty! The ending was something of a shock too. . . it seemed to indicate that the world (to me, the ocean of life) is really just one big, flowing, convoluted mud puddle. . . not a pleasant thought. . . and the two young lovers, or the two drops that melded together, are made dirty when they enter into the world. Those are my thoughts anyway. . . good write!
    -Secret
    | Posted on 2005-01-08 00:00:00 | by secret moon | [ Reply to This ]


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