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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Rubbledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: particularshard
    ASL Info:    23/m/DC
    Elite Ratio:    4.21 - 1159/1392/363
    Words: 218
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 798
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1317



    Description:
       Hey guess what. I noticed that if I drink alone, I often get really angry and hateful. In fact - I even hate you too so fuck you.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRubbledots
    -------------------------------------------


    Is there even a right path?
    I either stiffle tongue and anger
    Or burn my friendships down to ash -
    I ask, '
    For whom do I stay my hand?
    Moderation makes me feel less of a man,
    Because when you're moderate you have to accept
    You're always wrong.
    And its funny that I feel so weak,
    Still so strong.
    Its been too long,
    Since I've let extremity guide,
    I keep my craziness down by getting drunk,
    Or getting high,
    Just getting by
    Seems to take every fiber of my soul,
    With my hand over my heart
    I have a hand over a hole.
    So droll:
    Nobody loves me and nobody should
    I'd love to be nobody if I could.
    It only takes one beer
    To get in touch with my hatred,
    As though all of a sudden i'm cold and naked
    Too old to fake it -
    So fuck teen angst
    Because when I was a teenager I carried around shanks,
    Gave a deaf lord my thanks.
    In fear for my life, but now this is worse,
    Since back then I had a reason to stay out
    Of the hearse
    Now life's just a curse
    Just leaves me open for trouble,
    I wanted castles in the clouds
    But I ended up with rubble.




    Submitted on 2005-01-07 00:07:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Boo mother [censored] hoo! Pick your self up, 'shard! Dust off all that ill will and self-pity and something better. Jesus Christ son. It's good thing God hasn't thrown you into a lion's den, you'd be all like "[censored] [censored], damn you God, what the [censored] am I gonna do now?" And then, the lion would eat you.
    | Posted on 2005-01-07 00:00:00 | by Black Rock Tractor | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the peom and Ideas that you have presented here, the idea of being so good, in a time when you were suppose to be a horrible child, now your expressing the pain you felt then, the abandonment from Godor any one else that you beleive in. Strictly speaking the poem is fairly good, I love the line,

    "Moderation makes me less of a Man"

    This is an amazing linem, that does hold truem, and As you continue to explain through the rest of the peice, what you mean, it really can connect to anything, not jjust drugs and alchohal, anyways, this is an amazing peice, clearly showing how much you are suffering, if you need to talk I am here. Anyways thanks for the post.
    much love
    kaity
    | Posted on 2005-01-07 00:00:00 | by Kaitylizzy | [ Reply to This ]
      wow. This is a really powerful piece. I'm with you on these feelings, but it's not really when I drink alone, cuz I usually drink with friends; it's when I drink and then I'm not given the attention I want, so I go off on my own and drink more and start writing. The last two lines were a really strong metaphor, a great closer. You cinched together a lot of the stray emotions that you voiced and that were just sort of imagined in this piece.

    My favorite lines were:

    Just getting by
    Seems to take every fiber of my soul,
    With my hand over my heart
    I have a hand over a hole.

    How many times do we feel this as self-inflicted "inadequate" human beings? Again, you voiced this so well.

    I don't really understand the phrase "carried around shanks". I was wanting to know what weight you carried on your back that left you feeling as if God had totally forsaken you. I know in this piece it didn't call for explanation, but it sparked some curiosity in me.

    Overall, great piece. I don't know you well enough to comment like BRT, but I gotta say that it's ok for everyone to feel like this sometimes. It's normal. It's only bad if you start wallowing in and advertising these feelings every chance you get. Keep on truckin', great job.
    | Posted on 2005-01-07 00:00:00 | by mixedemotions00 | [ Reply to This ]
      i bow down to the king of depressing poetry up in bmore. While full of self-pity and really really sad, it seems like you wrote this drunk but eloqeuntly. this piece was unique in a way and i enjoyed reading it.
    "Seems to take every fiber of my soul,
    With my hand over my heart
    I have a hand over a hole.
    So droll:
    Nobody loves me and nobody should
    I'd love to be nobody if I could."

    i loved this. you wrapped up the teen angst, emo feeling with the piercing hurt of a neglected child in this. i really loved this because in a way, it felt like it hit me in the heart. i really identified myself with this particular section.
    i have to say, i can't wait for more of your poetry, no matter how rated PG-13...then again, this poem really kept it real...ok, now i sound like i'm rambling
    ~!~peAce, cate
    | Posted on 2005-01-07 00:00:00 | by Catie O Daniels | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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