Description: yes i know their are allot of errors but look beyond that and see the emotion i am try to pertray with thise poem for that is what is important
Oh so numb! -------------------------------------------
life is pining and so am i
no more light comes from my sky
i watched a flower grow from a seed grow tall bloom then wither and die
im not a person who asks for much
just wants to be near her and feel her loving touch
but she let my root run deep and she riped me out, my heart is broken my chest i clutch
when i was with her i saw the future and my destiny ahead
i saw what i could become when i lie next to her in bed
gazing into her eyes no words to be said
but now that she pushed me away i have no idea of what to become
no more warmth in my heart when she beconed me to come
now the torture of solitude i am to sucome
i walk alone feel nothing to warmth to cold because i am a man who has become so numb
this was a good piece (minus the errors). Very full of emotion. but you won't be numb forever, some day the feelings will come back But a word to the wise: don't ever love a queen. through out history the queens always had kings, and when the kings were gone they went crazy and cut people's heads off. so stick to princesses and chin up!
You have a wonderful heart and I think that someone with that beautiful of a spirit will find the person that sees that in you and never breaks your heart,(ok maybe they break your heart a little but you would still love them). But this shows the beauty in your soul and no amount of pain could take away even if it coulds your sky for awhile.
ok, you said you know there's grammatical errors...but why didn't you bother to fix them?if you know their there, and you don't fix them it makes the reader think you don't care about your work.And it takes away from the readers enjoyment, answer me this, why should anyone read this, if you don't care enough to take away from their responses?If you don't bother to fix it?If you won't fix it, I will my suggestions in (): Life is pining and so am(scratch out and and write as am I) I No more light comes(scrathc comes, replace with resonates) from my sky I watched a flower grow from a seed to a tall flower then it withered and died I'm not a person who asks for much just want to be near her and feel her loving touch But she let my root run deep and she ripped me out, My heart is broken, my chest I clutch. When I was with her I saw my future and my destiny ahead I what I could become When I lay next to her in bed Gazing into her eyes, no words to be said But now that she pushed away I have no idea of what (I am) to become No more warmth in my heart- when she beckoned me to come Now the torture of solitude I am to succumb I walk alone feeling nothing- nothing to warm the cold All because I am a man who has become so numb. camoflage
Submission Name: Oh so numb!
