Undertaking Love -------------------------------------------
I’m buried
Six feet under the lies,
A casualty to your version of reality
Here’s a hammer and a shovel.
Either nail the coffin, or
Exhume the truth.
Just be careful not to fall
Into this grave you dug
So carelessly for love.
well it's like I always say you can cover up your lies, but the truth will come sooner or later. I am a firm believer in being honest. I was honored in grade school for being honest two years in a row.the strange thing is my parents never once were honest with me.
Well you can certainly say a lot with very few words can't ya? I will add this one to my favorites because I like it just that much. Maybe this one should go under "Words of Wisdom" !Doc~
Very passionate piece, you seem to put a lot of feeling without the effort some poems express. I can't tell you how much i like this piece, it's just brilliant. THe nails, the coffin, falling in...brilliant piece, i can;t wait to read more.
now this one i really like. it is so fvcking true, if you lie and make a new reality for the one you love the pit of lies is just going to get bigger and bigger. and your loved one will eventualy find out and will probably not like it. good little poem
You expressed you feelings really good in this. It has a lot of emotion and very passionate. I like this write so much. Keep up the good work Good write. I will look for your writings more in the future. stephanie
ohh! lol. first reaction i go 'ooohhh!' it's like fireworks, only without the cool loud boom. This is the part with all the prettyness. You really have a way with words. I like it, great work
"bad deeds for good reasons are still bad deeds" the infamous line of my fourth grade teacher.
this piece reminds me of m. night shyamalan's the village. the notion of truth usually frightens people thus leading us to find ways to fabricate reality... but there would always be a certain form of pain that lingers with it.
i'm not sure the title would be the most eye catching since it has been quite ubiquitous... but the body was definately worth the time. it was short but powerful. simple but entrancing. kudos.
Terrific! Lies and truth, life and death. "I'm burried", a great opening line, a grabber! "Six feet under the lies" a new twist on an old line. "Hammer and shovel", interesting and original, "Nail" or "exhume" completes the idea. "so carelessly for love" a great close.
A line drawn in the sand of a relationship. Time to make a choice. A new beginning, with no lies, or it's over and buried. Nine lines of poetry that say so much in an interesting and new way. The critical point of a couple's life, the ultimatum having been thrown, the last and final chance for it to, maybe, work. With hammer, shovel, and caution, it might be saved.
A brilliant portrayal of this deciding point. Giving it the finality of death "Six feet under""careful not to fall into this grave" and the option of work. Work that will "exhume the truth" the only real foundation on which to build a relationship.
I think your poem is brilliantly crafted, original, and clearly defines the moment. it is terrific poetry! Thank you for posting it. I enjoyed reading it.
Ohhh, this is really a different style for you! I think it's great. The cemetery imagery is all well deployed in showing that that deceit is followed quickly by sure death. I liked that you offered a glimmer of hope though, a possible resurrection , absolution through Truth.
"Six Feet Under "is a little cliché though, especially with the series by the same name on TV-I don't think it does this piece justice, -
Also, shouldn't it be " a casualty OF your version of reality" ? (I just noticed this on second drive-by) Overall, I loved it and like this change of tone in your poem. Sissa Sal
Submission Name: Undertaking Love
