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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fallen Fruitdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Emmalee
    Elite Ratio:    3.66 - 471/456/138
    Words: 101
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 687
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 695



    Description:
       Haven't writen anything for awhile. This was just a quick write during free period. It's not my best. It may need work. However, I think it has a good idea and message behind it. I have more writes on the way.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFallen Fruitdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Hanging on
    her ripeness lost
    barely surviving the Winter frost

    On the branch
    she sways back and fourth
    while the wind takes its course

    Her devotion is her home
    she is its protector
    she stands alone

    With her senses
    she will not be picked
    she will be strong; she will resist

    A careless human interferes
    he plucks her
    his teeth sharp like spears

    Disgusted by her juices
    Bitter and raw
    He refuses another bite to pass through his jaw

    Sour, bitter and sweet
    She lies on the ground
    discarded at his feet




    Submitted on 2005-01-07 21:10:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Nice, although you have some problems with flow. For example, I think this poem could be alot better if perhaps you rewrote the 2nd and 3rd stanzas, and maybe the 2nd line of the 4th stanza. I agree with you, though: This poem has some great potential. Keep working at it!
    :3
    | Posted on 2005-05-16 00:00:00 | by Ajyra | [ Reply to This ]
      how! my face became contorted when i read the last lines, this is a simple but complicated write(as i always say). ann what a title, fallen fruit. her devotion is her home...
    i thought this is sad kinda, the way the fruit is plucked,then only one bite and she is thrown to rot on the ground. good imagery. and you made good rhymes here, i think this is a good write, i love it- sour, bitter and (cdnt yet work better than and here?) sweet, she lies on the ground standing at his feet...
    done wonderfully.
    always joel
    | Posted on 2005-01-07 00:00:00 | by nevender | [ Reply to This ]
      what hope is there for a fallen fruit now that the public seems to have chewed her and spit her out drained of all her sweetness? this could actually depict the looming terrors of a road fork that juggles both heart and mind.

    good job.
    | Posted on 2005-01-07 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      Maybe it's just me...but it can be something else besides fruit as well.
    Like a girl who fell in love with a guy who was only playing with her feelings.
    Anyhow I liked the last lines :

    *She lies on the ground
    discarded at his feet *
    | Posted on 2005-01-07 00:00:00 | by Maverique | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this poem. The way you related love and relationship gone bad to fruit...and so eloquently too. I really do like the last two lines best, though it's all very good.
    | Posted on 2005-01-07 00:00:00 | by Mercy December | [ Reply to This ]


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