[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: sleep's disruptiondots

    Author: mixedemotions00
    ASL Info:    24/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    6.26 - 574/377/69
    Words: 52
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1027
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 334


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotssleep's disruptiondots

    and just like that,
    with a quick intake of doubt
    and haunting spirits
    and pleading eyes,
    I breathe in your soul and contemplate worth.
    and with a shudder, and a sigh,
    I exhale all of it
    and all that remains of you
    is a blue stuffed animal
    and my goosebumped arms.

    Submitted on 2005-01-07 23:42:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Short and sweet. My favorite line is "I breathe in your soul and contemplate worth" I gather that the disruption is caused by the thought of a lost someone. Could be a lover, could be someone who has past. That's the beauty of poetry. The interpretation lies in the eyes of the reader.
    Take care,
    | Posted on 2006-11-06 00:00:00 | by fryte | [ Reply to This ]
      You speak so much with the words you have hidden in the blank spaces between letters. So much unsaid and perfect. In a way- you are your art... Peace, love and green hats- ~#6-
    | Posted on 2005-01-31 00:00:00 | by Six_Grey | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a less is more because i feel that what you don't say here gives the poem everything it should have and that's sancity(i think i spelled that wrong;shucks) this poem sounds like a dream or a dream date and it's haunting now in real life... nice
    | Posted on 2005-01-07 00:00:00 | by pioneerheart | [ Reply to This ]
      i'm assuming that this is about a boy... most likely a lover... that you were with long enough for him to give you the blue stuffed animal.. but then he did something that made you rethink his worth.. gave you doubts about him.. maybe comprimised you trust? and you realized he wasnt worth it... ?

    not sure if i'm quite on the mark here.. but that's my interpretation of it... just wondering about the goosbumped arms... cause that reminds me more of the first kiss kinda thing.. beginning of a relationship.. not the end...

    as for the writing itself... i like the style you used here.. i know its classified under misc. but this could be a wonderful poem.. maybe take out a few of the "and"s cause they arent all necessary...

    i like the length of it too.. it expresses more of the thought.. since it's all supposed to take place in the short time between the inhale and exhale of a single breath...
    | Posted on 2005-01-08 00:00:00 | by besodemuerte | [ Reply to This ]
      I like what you've done here, even the minimalist style is a means of intrigue. But it seems to go from beginning to end and what happened in between is a mystery to us. I don't think you would destroy the worth of what you've penned by letting us in a little more. Was it fear of how you broke up, was it a bad experience, was this person mean? I think a bit more story would lend well to the write. What you have here is very good. Thanks for sharing,
    | Posted on 2005-01-08 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem seems to have a fast pace, to me anyway. It seems to be about a nightmare, that wakes you up and "disrupts the sleep." Though it is not plainly stated, it is implied that that was what happened.
    " I exhale all of it" That line makes it seem, to me, that when you awoke from this nightmare, or these unnerving thoughts , you breathed out, exahling your problems or worries. I like how you finished with "and all that remains of you
    is a blue stuffed animal
    and my goosebumped arms" It tells the reader that you are moving on, but you were scared. It is all that remains, so you must be moving on.

    Am I at all close?
    | Posted on 2005-01-08 00:00:00 | by unclear-fantasy | [ Reply to This ]
      and in a blink of an eye...the good-bye is longer then the departure...as we wonder how we got here,
    and if this road will ever straighten...we make a habit of remembering and forgetting all in one breath...that seems to 'exhale' with ease
    but hurts all the while...and still we smile...for it was worth it in the long run...because in the end some thing had not only finished but begun.

    THANK YOU ;)
    You are so good at this...and some can't read between the lines that are so clear to me...
    Be Well
    and speak true...
    as always,
    | Posted on 2005-01-08 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]