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    dots Submission Name: Drowning i n His Tearsdots

    Author: reveries
    Elite Ratio:    3.17 - 54/74/23
    Words: 126
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 865
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 748

       hmm.....I'm not sure how I feel aout this poem....OI mean....it's pure..that's for sure, but I'm not sure if I like where it came from.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDrowning i n His Tearsdots

    I sat alone as the gentle breeze brushed my bare skin
    Too early to go home, too late to die
    The morning sun burned my open heart
    pain rushed into my body and I laid there
    Happy with purple blood dripping down my spine

    He came to see me again
    Dark hair, dark eyes
    dark skin, but
    his smile was driven by the sun

    Now dimmed
    my beauty lays heartbroken by my side
    I feel his tears
    like a cool drink of water
    yet painful because I know he will cry forever
    I gather dew for him to sip
    He pulls his head to my shoulder
    Tears flow down my bare chest
    and we breathe together
    as he drowns me in his tears

    Submitted on 2005-01-08 12:02:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      this poem was tender, it was fragile...it feels so pretty and freash and it really makes me want to lay down in a feild of daisy's and butterflies...i don't know why...it was really bittersweet and i loved it.
    | Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      First of all just wanna say, WELCOME TO ELITE!

    secondly I love this poem! It is sooo descriptive and I think it's awesome.. i really feel the feelings projected in it. It had good form too.

    I hope you likethe site, cuz I will will look forward to reading more from you! have a great day!
    | Posted on 2005-01-08 00:00:00 | by AmandaLyn | [ Reply to This ]
      yes welcome to this great site.

    I love the color, the darkness and your surrending,bravo

    This was subperb: I feel his tears
    like a cool drink of water

    The open stanza was also totally awesome

    overall this was a great write

    keep writing and i will keep reading
    | Posted on 2005-01-08 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. Very deep. I like your imagery and I definatley like your theme. Dark, yet revitalizing. Absolutely inspiring. I think that you have a lot of talent and I believe that you will do very well on this site. Welcome to Elite.
    | Posted on 2005-01-08 00:00:00 | by thesacredone | [ Reply to This ]
      "I gather dew for him to sip" is a beautiful line. makes me think of my poem Tenderness, where she cries tears of dewdrops...

    this is very poingnant and very "pure," like you said in your description. i am curious to know, though, who this beautiful creature is who is drowning you in his tears. you leave me wanting more!

    welcome to elite! i look forward to reading more of your work.
    | Posted on 2005-01-08 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      this poem is most definately awesome in its vivid description and the way it projects your feelings. i really get the sense of what shes going through and i can almost put myself in her place. i have been in the charater's place before, and maybe thats why i can relate so closley. this poem is great, good job. http://www.eliteskills.com/smile.gif
    | Posted on 2005-01-08 00:00:00 | by sudie | [ Reply to This ]

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