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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Tap On The Glassdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AtrophyEmpathos
    ASL Info:    19 M California
    Elite Ratio:    4.39 - 45/55/29
    Words: 279
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 917
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1984



    Description:
       Any personal interpretation or critcism would be greatly appreciated.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Tap On The Glassdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Who are you that pretend
    to standards and dignity,
    to beauty and art
    While the bright, crystalline facade
    of your frozen, violent dream
    threatens to rain down upon you?

    Cower beneath the broken fallout
    of a cracked ceiling so loft,
    in willful surrender
    When this transparent fantasy
    of such austere obscurity
    reveals itself a glass temple.

    What do you see my love?
    Is it this marred perception
    of light's tangent direction
    that shapes your lonely view?

    What do you see my friend?
    Is this latest distraction
    from the subtle attraction
    to the warmth what you seek?

    Cherish death
    seek violence,
    extremity, excess

    Hold art
    as the chisel,
    of internal duress

    Atrophy
    the empathos
    love no longer posses.


    In a picture, beauty is the reflection of light.
    In a scripture, truth is a shining tower of words.

    And after all, that is the basis of human existence:
    To see is to believe.

    So what do you see, brothers and sisters,
    from within the invincible walls of your cages?

    Is there such beauty in your faded reflection
    that the world outside must be met with rejection?

    An old lesson becomes far too often unlearned:
    Beauty unseen is oft most truthfully discerned.

    But how many have forgotten
    even the cold prisons chiseled
    around their own lonely hearts?

    Put the chisel to use:
    to shatter your walls
    Breath deep of the warmth
    as the masquerade falls.

    Let that black ice melt away
    under the hotness of your breath,
    Turn away from the seduction
    of a cold, lonely death.

    And let life be your masterpiece.




    Submitted on 2005-01-08 14:10:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      In this poem somewhere are two decent poems struggling to get out. One is the glass edifice constructed by some people to justify their existence, with all the beauty, the transparency and the fragility of glass and everything that such imagery could lead to in poem 1. The second poem is probably one about the need for each artist to chisel his own ice-sculpture. There are great ideas in your poem, but you seem compelled to obfuscate them, by not considering the overall intelligibility of your poem to a strange reader coming at it cold. Poets sometimes have a tendency to create an interlocking set of symbols which mean something to the poet but not to the reader who does not have the symbol-code cracking and deciphering manual to hand. For example:
    Cherish death
    seek violence,
    extremity, excess

    Hold art
    as the chisel,
    of internal duress

    Atrophy
    the empathos
    love no longer posses.

    I understand all the individual words except "empathos" which I presume is related to "empathy", but even knowing the words, doesn't help elucidate the sense. Atrophy for example is a noun or a verb. If it is a noun then it relates to nothing in the rest of the sentence. If it is a verb then it can only be a non transitive verb, i
    it must have a subject but cannot take an object. "Posses" as it stands is meaningless. One could have "possess" as an infinitive or "possesses" as the 3rd person singular of the verb, in which case we still have to guess whether the mysterious empathos possesses the love or the love possesses the empathos or the atrophy possesses both. This is in fact sloppy writing and unfair on the reader. I for one, and many others would like to both enjoy and understand your poetry and you have a duty to make it at least comprehensible and then we can fairly tell you whether we enjoyed it or not.
    | Posted on 2005-01-08 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
      What do you see my love?
    Is it this marred perception
    of light's tangent direction
    that shapes your lonely view?

    I liked this stanza the most just because it seems like you're interacting with the reader instead of the reader just reading and giving you a response. I liked how you made everything so reversal. If that makes any kind of sense. This poem sounds kind of like a vent or a satire. This sounds like you're trying to explain something that so many people try not to understand. I liked it and I could grasp it as if you were actually standing here reading it to me.
    | Posted on 2005-01-08 00:00:00 | by Brwnsknsam05 | [ Reply to This ]
      Whoa! This is awesome. I just... love the wording. I don't know why... but there's something about it. I don't understand what you're trying to get across, if there is something trying to be put across... but I love it... it's really good.
    | Posted on 2005-01-08 00:00:00 | by poetofthenight | [ Reply to This ]
      this piece was i think challenging and ambitious- now let me explain exactly what i mean by that before anyone gets offended...challenging of the readers own thoughts, rather than challengin as such to read, although it is open to interpretation. And ambitious in what it aims to say, but i think that it clears the obsticals of cliché, even if i cant get past dislexia! anyway, im not sure the ? in the first stanza is neccesary, but that could just be me and is of course open to debate. after all its yours not mine :)
    ellisa
    | Posted on 2005-01-08 00:00:00 | by ellisa | [ Reply to This ]


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