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“Glass doors jingled merrily to signify depart As every man can understand the end is but a start Where steps adrift embark upon the echoes of the heart Dreams can be a great panache— —But death is truly art.” From his seat behind the counter, the clerk could not decipher His eyes stared out in wonder as the swinging doors swung shut. His customer a well known-friend, his purchase quite peculiar, And no one ere had used it short—so why’d he get it cut? The gentle waft of coffee brings its bittersweet entice, But taste was not in order as the teacher paced in thought; His brightest child was listless and no reasons could suffice: Why would the sixteen year-old just mumble he forgot? Two eyelids sharply narrow as indifference turns to ire; A furrowed brow of wonder pulled itself along the street. Contemplating mystery, the handyman for hire Walked his dog on anyway, assuming it a leash. Despite his eerie silence his two eyes were narrow slits, For in his house so suddenly not all was as it should; He propped his legs upon it every evening, floor lamps lit: The old man’s stool had disappeared from where it always stood. He’d seemed in thought this evening when he made his daily trudge, The mother’s thoughts entangled in what reasons there could be; His arms still tender from her strikes, he never held a grudge, “So why would he go straight upstairs and never look at me?” His smile sprained in seven spots and easy gait replaced, An exuberant sixteen year-old wrote all he wished to say. His writing neat as ever and so delicately placed, A laugh became a whisper as he kicked the stool away. (And no one tells you why or how he tries to kill himself Methods are but details, all too easily ignored With nary pamphlet that describes such matters on the shelf His knot was just above the spot he’d asked to cut the cord) He nearly heard the seraphs sing, The world’s most content myope He dreamed to fly but burnt his wings From hell to heaven he eloped Yet back again his fate did bring This broken record’s final hope Such a quick and easy thing —Oh why, Oh why, did he cut the rope? |
Excellent piece of work you got here man. Firstly, I most give you some congrats on your ineffective use of a title and also the way you used the story of Icarus in this write. I'm surprised you haven't received a ton of comments on this piece, this is simply one of the best pieces of literature I have read in quite sometime. People have no taste sometimes, oh well. Normally Icarus would be used to cite a moral lesson about the danger of hubris, suggesting that someone who dares to fly too close to the realm of the gods will suffer for it. And thus, Icarus may be regarded as a metaphor for a social fall. Though I really do prefer the way in which you used it here. This was my favourite stanza, though I really did enjoy the whole write He nearly heard the seraphs sing, The world’s most content myope He dreamed to fly but burnt his wings From hell to heaven he eloped Yet back again his fate did bring This broken record’s final hope Such a quick and easy thing —Oh why, Oh why, did he cut the rope? Keep up the great work and take care Later Jason | Posted on 2006-05-21 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ] | He nearly heard the seraphs sing, | The world’s most content myope He dreamed to fly but burnt his wings From hell to heaven he eloped Yet back again his fate did bring This broken record’s final hope Such a quick and easy thing —Oh why, Oh why, did he cut the rope? I liked the end the most. I think that the end and the beginning are the two stanzas that really gave your poem its meaning, however I think that your poem is more of a prose then a poem just because of the way its written. Its written kind of like a story but it has words like a poem. You know what i mean? | Posted on 2005-01-08 00:00:00 | by Brwnsknsam05 | [ Reply to This ] | This is... amazing. I'm adding it to my favorites. Someone on this site wrote a poem about suicide, and I've had someone in my family commit suicide and he did not do it justice. It was crude and quite stupid, in my interpretation. But this does suicide justice. I love how it tells a story. Is this all your work, or is that top part in quotation marks said by someone else? If so, could I know who? I'm big on quotes... so yeah. | | Posted on 2005-01-08 00:00:00 | by poetofthenight | [ Reply to This ] | My name is hermes I devoured my wings, so I could oppose god... or something along those lines. It seems pretty good. I don't know not very smart am I? I suppose I'll just leave you with it's a pretty good piece, I don't get it, but hey. | | Posted on 2005-01-08 00:00:00 | by Das_Ein_Sinender | [ Reply to This ] | It is not my place to comment upon the reality of attempted suicide that does or does not lie behind this poem. If there is apersonal reality for you, then seek help. If it is all imaginary, then choose a more cheerful topic next time. | As for the poem itself, it is fine poetry. You have a good sense of rhythm and an interesting choice of vocabulary. The whole poem has structure - each character fails to notice the man's intent like the refrain ofa Greek chorus. You knew where this poem was heading when you started it, so the whole poem has direction and purpose. You are quite a talented poet so live long and practise your talent heaps. | Posted on 2005-01-08 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ] | I really like this poem. It reminds me of a friend that I think is going to kill himself. I'm so worried about him, but he is a good actor, and I can't be sure anything is really wrong... Well, I hope he doesn't kill himself, I've been telling him not to and all that... God I hope he doesn't... | | Posted on 2005-01-08 00:00:00 | by TDALBH | [ Reply to This ] | Wow this an amazing poem! the emotion is so great. in a way it reminds me of me when i was extremly suicidal and oded on pills and at the time i thought unfortenitly i didn't die but now i see why life is so worth living. Awesome poem! | Hannah | Posted on 2005-01-08 00:00:00 | by Devils Angel | [ Reply to This ] | this ripped me up... quite possibly not very timely for me to have read it but whats read is read so... | poetry wise this is a very good write. your structure and form and rhythm and everything is quite perfect really. im impressed by your use of an extensive vocab... very wel done. personally i am in love with icarus... i will read anything that hints at him (but today my "love" got me into trouble...) ive had two friends hang themselves in the last 15months (one of them being my boyfriend who i loved most ever) so yeah... i cannot separate myself from my own stuff to ascertain whether a death occurs in this write or not... i really liked the way you did the first and last stanza's (though initially i thought it was a quote from another work... just coz of the italics... im not sure why...) but yeah... i thought that was very clever and brought the piece together well. also the stanza in parenthesis... it kept the whole thing annonymous like and yet added a lil more depth or something... i liked that too. over all i am quite impressed and i think perhaps i should have to read more of you sometime soon. | Posted on 2005-01-08 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ] | |