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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Ugly Dressdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 310
    Class/Type: Story/Misc
    Total Views: 1031
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1821



    Description:
       I intend to make this into something resembling a traditional story. Maybe I need to need to be more explicit about why he hates the colors, but I don't want to bludgeon anyone over the head.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Ugly Dressdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Her dull green dress reminded him of the ugly dishes he ate from as a child. They were cheap white dinnerware rimmed with avocado-colored ivy. He remembered picking them up in shards from the floor of his parents' kitchen infested with citrus colors. Those 70's colors, avocado, tangerine, harvest gold, and that weird muted red of old refrigerators, filled him with a dull, bland sadness that built into a torrent of dread. With a momentary glance, and he couldn't eat his breakfast Danish for the taste of stomach acid.

    The next day, he took the dress from the hamper, and suppressing a near panic attack, threw it into a neighbor's bin with a sincere prayer that he'd never see it again.

    For weeks now, he thought he was losing his mind. Sights, smells, sounds all brought back memories of his long-repressed childhood. Sometimes he wasn't sure if the events he saw had really happened or if the scenes were some sort of psychotic hallucinations.

    A few days later, he had a panic attack while making love to his wife. She moaned "Oh John" in a timbre that matched that of his mother's voice. Shaking, he started hearing it repeatedly in his head. His wife had already achieved orgasm, and she mistook his shaking for his own, but he collapsed atop her. Finally, he went flaccid, and she managed to roll him off her, but he continued violently shaking and gasping for air while a low hiss escaped his throat.

    Concerned, his wife dressed him and took him to the hospital. ????

    The doctors admitted him to the mental ward, and he stayed stupefied for days. He saw blood stains on the floors and walls, and he heard moans and screams escaping from the radiators.

    (To be continued)




    Submitted on 2005-01-08 22:31:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like what you have here Amy. That is so funny what you have described about how the dress makes him think of those old appliances and dishes from his childhood- what a great connection of images. I do think you could make this into a short story- I want to read it a few more times. I am genuinely interested in the character of the man and what happened in his childhood- obviously it wasn't necessarily a functional family he belonged to- but hey, is there such a thing? I also found myself wanting to know what happened when the wife discovered her dress missing. Maybe the frock ended up in the hands of that crazy cross-dressing mailman and he delivers the packages to her in it one afternoon. That was just a comical, strange thought I had...don't mind me. I think you could really develop this Amy. There could be some strong characterisations. xo Rene'
    | Posted on 2005-03-14 00:00:00 | by Magnolia | [ Reply to This ]
      hey cuddle...first of i really like that pic...it almost looks like a painting...and the flowers with your dress and lips...the picture is has a nice i'm having issues thinking...hmmn...what is that called...lol...i'll have to get back to you if i think of it...but anywho your post...i read this a while back it looks like you added to it a little...i like the idea you've got started here...but it seems when you added to it...it was rushed a little...maybe i'm nuts...the descriptions and detail after the hamper part just don't seem as ..actuallty just the very last paragraph i think it could explain a bit more...i'm babbling my mind isn't straight today...so if i sound like a babbling idiot sorry...well anyways...i like what you've written and you held my attention and i hope you add more...purps..
    | Posted on 2005-01-21 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      i can certainly remember those '70's colors you speak of! i think it should be "he remembers..." instead of remembered. could you maybe explain the citrus infested kitchen? why is it citrus-infested? lemonade splatters on the wall?!! i think i know what you mean, probably the color, right?

    i edited the following just a tad:

    Now as he saw those 70's colors (avocado, tangerine, harvest gold, and
    that weird muted red of old refidgerators), he was filled with a dull, bland
    sadness that built into a torrent of dread. With just that momentary
    glance, he couldn't eat his breakfast danish for the taste of
    stomach acid.

    it is amazing what memories a simple dress can evoke! it will be interesting to see where you go with this one!! write on!
    | Posted on 2005-01-08 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      ok this is kinda weird but it shows childhood pain and very expressive and you did good keep writing becuz u have great potential
    | Posted on 2005-01-08 00:00:00 | by PlayPunk924 | [ Reply to This ]
      Clearly childhood memories he hasn't dealt with have bled over to the present. I especially like the near panic attack as a sign of what's to come. The dishes and dress being a color from the past he's too familiar with.
    And something's wrong with him, he's not connected to his life, why wouldn't he tell her what this dress reminds him of? Why does she wear it? Relationship on the skids? Anyway, this is a great set-up for a story, I want more, please,
    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-01-09 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      This is childhood really affect us as we get older. I even notice and remember things at my age with scents and colors. This was great. It sort of has a monotonous feel when I read it a loud, but the impact of the words themselves really gave it that bang. I like the description of the colors. The mute red refrigerator color was my favorite. I like colors depicting objects and things we can all visualize. I love how he silently through the dress in a neighbor's bin. He didn't even want to see it in his own trash it gave him so much pain. Great piece.
    -blt
    | Posted on 2005-01-09 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm very glad now that I don't fully recall the colors of the 70's. You paint such a vivid picture though that the patterns and colors seem to leap from the words with such clarity that I see the avocado green snaking its's way off the plate across the tangerine floor and up the red fridge. Very well written and graphic!
    | Posted on 2005-01-09 00:00:00 | by Beulah | [ Reply to This ]
      it's an interesting piece, and i'm intrigued as to where you'll go with this, especailly since i've never read any of your stories [if you write them]. don't stop here. you've got a good starting hook for the reader. :-)
    | Posted on 2005-01-10 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      you leave me aq bit hanging here. I'm not sure yet why he throws the dress away. more please.
    but what is already there is really good. I wouldn't out the 70's colors in parentheses. make them a real part of your sentence. but that's just a minor detail. I like the part

    "He remembered picking them up in shards from the floor of his parents' kitchen infested with citrus colors. "

    well done, Amy. But I want a little bit more.
    | Posted on 2005-01-10 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      I think something about this has to do with being abused by his mother. Am I reading this story right?
    After all they must have made love before, and this last time, he came apart. You have the lines that show he was already leaving reality just before. But you have in mind how you want this story to unfold. So I'll keep my eyes on it and let you tell me. John's just gotten to the point in his life where he's got to face
    what his childhood did to affect his life. Let me know when there's more. Hugs and hot pretzels,
    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-01-11 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      ok, the panic attack during sex was great! gave me a good laugh! keep going with this. you can take it any number of ways. if it were me, i'd go the humorous route-have him meet a bunch of kooks in the psych ward, but it's your story, you can do whatever you want-just don't stop. this has LOTS of potential. :-)
    | Posted on 2005-01-11 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      okay, this is going to be along story. I don't know but it feels like the beginning of a novel to me. what I've read made me interested. I want more. the panic attack during sex was great, funny, but also shows how big his problems are.
    let me know when you add to it.
    | Posted on 2005-01-12 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]


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