Description: I have received a suggestion from my mentor, edthepoet, to revise the ending to this post. He pointed out that it was clichéd and after rereading it... I had to agree. I hope the revised ending is more powerful. My aim with this post is to illustrate how we sometimes have to make a choice and often we choose the option that is more complicated with more emotional risk.
Hi there Liefkind. Powerful piece this one. When you look back on the road you took, the choice must have been the better one otherwise you would not have taken it. Since one cannot revise the past, that now to my knowledge became a fantasy. You are now living the reality of the choice you made. Surely every road without obstacles are not a worthy choice and does not exist. Sooo! The choice was not that blindly taken and shadows never threatened anyone. It is just the uncertainty that looks darker. And without fear no one will really overcome desolation. a Very wise poem. Keep it up. Dads. Joachim
Delete "and blindly." This is overstated because you have already implied that you were not watching the road in the first few lines, "would it not have been wiser to have kept my eyes on the road." If you state what the reader can figure out by themself, the interest is lost.
I've been re-reading some of your stuff this morning. I'm working my way back through them, from the most recent on. As i was reading this morning i realized how important the titles of your poems are. With such short writes, as is your style, the titles become especially important in encapsulating the meaning of them.
This one is direct and straightforward. 'Choice indeed. Your work often conjures memories in me of other famous poems and poets. This one reminds me of Frost's 'The Road Not Taken'...of course.
The whole thing hinges on choice. In truth, the whole of life is really nothing more than a long succession of choices. 'Should i do this or that? And now that i've chosen this...should i follow through with it...or abandon that plan (dream,goal), and turn in another direction instead?
Much the same as the reason Frost wrote that poem. 'Should i live in England and become a scholar...should i live in New England and become a farmer...or should i do the one thing i have always known that i was meant for?'. Frost chose poetry...and we can all be glad for that, but the beauty of his poem is the same as with this one. The idea of 'choice' is a universal one that we can all relate to, however you intended it, and however specific your inspiration for writing it was to you.
There are a few images which speak volumes in this poem. Very expressive B. The idea of closing your eyes and blindly forging ahead connotes so much that i'm not sure i can do it justice here. For my part these lines speak of 'faith' and perhaps a fear of the unknown that is so terribly intense that you just have to close your eyes...make that leap of faith...and hope for the best. And there is hope in that.
Also, when you speak of 'desolate shadows' and 'intricate fear'...it is a hallmark manner of expressing how terribly 'alone' we can feel in the 'desperate doubt' we experience after making a choice and not yet knowing the outcome.
You amaze me.
...oh what the heck:
The Road Not Taken
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.
ed is so great, isn't he? so insightful. I had to make this poem a fav so I can read it over and over again. beautiful. I liked the whole poem but especially these lines:
'to have kept to the road instead of closing my eyes and blindly forging ahead'
Wow, well this this is really about the road not taken. It's not even a road. This is really good, as always.
instead of closing my eyes and blindly forging ahead
Sometimes throwing caution to the wind is a good thing, but that's the exception rather than the rule.
for the curves are not gentle along this road of desolate shadows and intricate fear
Boy, this is how life can be. You have to wonder if you had been cautious what the road would've been like.
I like how this is similar to "The Road Not Taken," but uses a different style and a different twist. I often do that in my poetry. I really liked this.
Ty you so much for your high praise of me in your description, I am honored, big time by you saying I am your mentor.
I am also glad that you are an open minded writer, whose know and is wise enough to listen to comments made by the many great writers on this site. I have seen enough of "I don't change things any poem" stupidity in people description How insulting is that and worst ignorance to think one poetry can't be improved.
I really like this ending, because it is befitting of rest of this poem, the word "intricate' to me also convey delicate,which enhances the word fear, for this reason. Fear is such a powerful intangible suggestive grip on us that makes people do thing and say thing they wouldn't ordinary do otherwise, even when no one from the outside can see your fear masticating you under your skin.
Hey there. Well, I didn't see the previous version. This one however is very nicely written. Life is indeed full of choices. And very often the fear of making the wrong choice hinders our ability to make the right one. Life is full of curves and unexpected turns. But that's what makes it so interesting. The key is to take those turns and curves as they come and turn them into something beautiful. Because life really is beautiful. Even in all it's ugliness, there is beauty. I agree with edthepoet on the idea that fear is a hugely impactive word. Fear drives men to do unthinkable things. But then again we all must remember the frailty of fear. As implied in your use of the word intricate. Fear is very frail. And love is stronger. Thus overcomming fear is a matter of grasping and clinging to love. Anyhoo...beautifully written my dear.
Great write, whats weird is that lately ive been thinking of what i wanna do when i get out of high school and all, and i got this girl who i really care about, but she is so different from me and she has different goals and all. i dunno, im at the point where i have to figure something out like stay with her cause i know shell stay with me, or move on and do what i want to do and be happy. i dunno, this poem just made me think of everything thats bothering me lately, and it really made me look at all of that in a different way. like i said, great write. keep it up. oh, and about changing your poetry, i think that your poems should be about whatever you want, and should be written the way you want them to be. that doesnt mean dont take suggestions. you should if its really what you want, its cool to be open minded but just dont change anything to make people like your stuff. peace .
i like your poem and i know my comment kinda sucks but im new at this so i dont really know what to say to people so im trying to get my percent up to put more poems on here so people will give me comments so i can well make my comments better so sorry for the [censored]ty comment but i really like your poem and i know i like it when people just plain tell me they like my poem
sometimes i do feel like i am going blindly ahead into those uncertain curves. i never read the first version, but i like this one very much. i've always liked your style of writing, in that it is minimalist in its presentation yet has such depth and beauty. this is like that fork in the road that Frost speaks of and you choose to take the road less traveled, as it were. perhaps not wise, but in the end, maybe so. risks can be perilous, but often they are worth it for the treasures we find. and i found this treasure!! thanks for sharing your beautiful poems with us. :)
Submission Name: Choice (Revised)
