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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Homeless Mans Bluesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: poetryman
    ASL Info:    47, male...phila
    Elite Ratio:    3.39 - 447/468/72
    Words: 151
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 473
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1030



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Homeless Mans Bluesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The Homeless Mans Blues

    the first thing you notice
    are the holes in his shoes
    the smelly raggedy clothes
    older than historical news
    his most valuable possession
    are the homeless man blues

    before I sat and listened
    I threw money into a can
    anticipating lyrical bullshit
    from this dirty homeless man

    he sang of his tour in nam
    and the family he once had
    the joys within his heart
    when children called him dad

    his tone became excited
    when singing of his wife
    his queen, his princess
    the true love of his life

    his song ended sadly
    coffins, like a trunk
    hold all family memories
    killed by one driving drunk

    Bob Shank Jan 8th-2004
    Many thanks to Malik who
    shared his life with me.
    He is now with his family,
    for GOD has provided him
    with a permanent home....







    Submitted on 2005-01-09 15:52:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    3: meh!
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    ||| Comments |||
      Though a sad poem this is a very well written piece and a fine tribute.
    I think you did an excellent job writing it and I surely enjoyed read'n it.
    Keep it up..
    !Doc~
    | Posted on 2005-01-23 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]
      Haha this is an awesome piece. After reading the first stanza I was completely drawn to it. When I came upon the ending however I was extrememly disapointed:O(

    As you tell the tale in the beginning it seems we are picturing the homeless man in our head in the present tense. But at the end you have him killed by a drunk driver and the whole story is put in past tense. You also build up yhis beautiful verse to the homeless man, and rid of him before you hit a climmax.

    I dont know if maybe the format was to symbolize something, like the life of a homeless man, but I really think you can give this a much more lively ending, almost moral perhaps and go out iwht a bang!

    -Kayla
    | Posted on 2005-01-22 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]
      Very well put and a tribute to your departed friend. Whenever I see homeless people, i always wonder what happened to cause there plight. The poem really flowed well and kept you wanting to read the whole thing. It's too bad it couldnt have a happy ending, but that's life. I enjoyed reading it, even though it was so sad. Good write.
    | Posted on 2005-01-10 00:00:00 | by wannabe1 | [ Reply to This ]
      That is a very sweety tribute. I can tell it came from the heart with genuine affection. I enjoyed it much. Nice job!

    Indigo Kid
    | Posted on 2005-01-11 00:00:00 | by Indigo Kid | [ Reply to This ]



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